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confused about my marriage please help im so lost

so i have been married 2 yrs and we have had alot of problems, in the last month or 2 i have been wondering if i am married because we have a son and i grew up in a divorced home, if its because i am so controlling that i dont want to see him with someone else,if its because he is stability ? i love him but im not in love with him, i never think about sex or even want to have sex. i dont know if its with him or in general. we have had issues with him cheating and i cant seem to let it go , we dont agree on alot and we want different things most days. i dont know what to do or how to handle it we have been to marriage counciling and it helped with raising our son but because of my dh career we couldnt discuss the cheating. help please

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Hello anon. I think that if you are not in love, and only staying together for your son to grow up in a stable home, you need to get out! There is no point in being with someone that you don't love, and eventually your son is going to pick up on the tension in the household. You can always find your son a nice stepdad in the future, who you can love! There are many men out there now who are willing to be with a woman who has kids, and some even prefer it!! Seriously, Cheating can never be forgot...and you don't always want that in the back of your mind. As for stability, there are a lot of state programs for single mothers, until you get back on your feet. Just think long and hard, and honestly it sounds like you spelled it out!! You're not with the ONE! Good Luck hun.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Love is a choice! I can understand if hurt still exists because of the hurting, but you owe it to your son to try and work things out if at all possible! The BS about "kids will be happier if you are happy" is crap! Kids are happy with two selfless parents who do what it takes to keep their families together! Look at statistics about kids from broken homes! It RARELY works out in their best interest. Don't take the easy way out in the name of YOUR happiness! It's hard work, but in the long run it is worth it if you can make your marriage work. And, yes, I am speaking from experience-- both as a child of divorce and as a wife who wanted to leave her marriage and is now SO GLAD that she didn't!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • i'm in the same boat as you .try to pick up a hoby or something fun, things you guys can do as a family, it's best if you can work throught your issues but if it doesn't work out then at least you know you tried and can move on to bigger and better.... but try to make it work
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 1:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Him cheating is probably the reason for most of your feelings. If you can't get over that.You should separate and divorce. Know reason to be staying with a guy you don't love.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:06 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Love is a choice! You choose to be in it or not! I have been with my husband for 20 years now. We have been through a lot! There have been things that I have felt were unforgivable & I had a lot of resentment on. Since day one I have loved my husband. There are days that I am not "In Love" with him. We have 4 children.

    If you are waiting for your husband to fill a hole of something you are missing it will never happen. Growing up in a home of divorced parents I understand that it feels like you may have married him for security! Now that you are married what will you do?

    Marriage takes a lot of hard work! It takes dedication & choice for every moment you are in it! What do you want out of the marriage? That is what you will have to bring to the marriage! Ask him what he needs from you & share what you need with him.
    We all make mistakes in life! Do you want forgivness? Then you will have to give it to!
    LegacyKimberley

    Answer by LegacyKimberley at 1:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Part 2

    Your kids will adjust to you! Married or Divorced! We all did it!

    What a greater lesson to teach our children is commitment, being accountable for our word, working through the tough times and rising above the difficulties. Many children today do not have boundries and want everything without having to work for it. I beleive this has a lot to do with we as parents who have walked away without giving 100% to our marriages & commitments.

    If a man is not being abusive physically or mentally then begin to look at his good qualities and start focusing on what you first fell in love with and place your energy there. If there is physical or mental abuse then get some counselling for yourself on what to do next.

    When life gets tough be like a redwood tree - stand tall, get support from others, accept nurturing & out live the mistakes of the environment! Out live & out grow what is common! Make a choice & give 100%
    LegacyKimberley

    Answer by LegacyKimberley at 1:25 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • OP, this is like reading my life only not cheating, but him being verbally (and emotionally) abusive to our son when he disciplines him. I am so torn on what to do. I want him to move out and us to divorce, but I'm so worried about backlash or how it will affect our son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • cont'd.

    Only my parents didnt' divorce until I was 30 years old. Hubby doesn't see that he has an anger issue or what he says to our son is hurtful and he won't get help at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • i know how you feel mine speaks very unkindly to our dh but im caught between a rock and a hard place i feel. i have given a 100% if not more i have tried everything i can think of
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

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