Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you be angry?

If you gained a substantial amount of weight years after marrying your DH, and he told you he found you physically unattractive b/c of the weight or that he didn't find you as attractive now as you were before would you be mad?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • No, it's his opinion. I would be more mad at myself if I didn't like how I felt or looked. I can't expect him to be attracted to me if I don't feel good about myself.
    I know I certainly wouldn't be attracted to my DH if he gained a ton of weight.

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 2:44 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I guess his love his extremely conditional. And his vows were something like this...I'll love you forever..through sickness and health to death do us part unless you get fat! The real question here is are you happy with yourself? If not, then make some changes. If you are happy with yourself then tell him to kiss your ass. What's causing the weight gain? Is it a medical issue? Are you eating to comfort yourself because you are unhappy with him?


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Damn right I would be pissed..Cause he has gained weight to..We both do not look the same as we did when we married 20 years ago.I would tell him your no hunk yourself anymore.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Saying that he finds you unattractive because you've put on weight is kind of insulting and rude of him. I would feel annoyed with OH if he said anything like that to me but then also I would try about changing this. Do you feel that you're unattractive or not as attractive as you used to be? I think you need to ask yourself this and if you like how you are then stuff him.

    Answer by DaffodilFae at 3:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I would be upset, but with him AND myself. I'm opposite. My hubby married me big and now that I am losing, he doesn't really like it but he has to deal with it. I need to do it.

    Hubby's gained over 50 lbs. since we met anyway.

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:03 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I would be angry at myself for having chosen as my husband a man who was so shallow as to only be able to love me for how I looked. I probably would have looked him squarely in the eye and told him that I am still the same beautiful, loving person on the inside as I always have been. I would then have thanked him for being so honest about what really matters to him. Then I very likely would have had myself a chocolate sundae.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:15 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I've thought about this question a bit more and sent this to the OP-

    Perhaps I just have a different perspective than others:

    I think another thing that I didn't state in my reply was that just because he isn't physically attracted to her right now doesn't mean he doesn't love her and doesn't mean he will never find her physically attractive, either. It's not shallow, it's just every marriage has it's ebbs and flows. Just because he isn't physically attracted to her doesn't mean he isn't supportive. I bet you anything, he's more not attracted to the fact that she doesn't feel good about herself and that she is no longer comfortable in her own skin then her just having gained weight.


    Answer by nwdeserangel at 3:25 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I would not be mad no... but I would be extremely hurt by it but would also appreciate his honesty!! If he was feeling unattracted to me then I would want him to tell me and I would get to doing something about it IMMIDIATLY!!


    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 3:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I would be hurt more than mad. If I got big it would be my fault and I would want to know so that I could fix it and put my ass on a diet pronto. I understand because my boyfriend has gained weight and I find him less attractive. I have lost 20lbs and I notice he can't keep his hands off me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • If your DH is all of a sudden ANTI-SHOWER/TEETH BRUSHING and hasn't showered and brushed his teeth for weeks would you still find him physically attractive? Would you still wanna be intimate with him? I'm sure you WOULD still love him, but, you wouldn't necessarily like the way things have turned out.

    And I'm sure there are those out there that will say that taking showers/brushing teeth is a choice and weight gain is not. But in many cases, weight gain IS a choice if you DECIDE not to control it with nutrition and exercise.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.