This keeps coming up - this debate about how our children view us/love us. The only person that can explain the love an adoptee has for their birth or adoptive family is........the adoptee themselves!
We can speculate all day long how our children feel but do we really know? I can attest to how I felt as as adoptee growing up in my parents home, but that does not translate into how my daughter (relinquished) feels growing up in her adoptive home. What she shows me in her love and affection for her birth family is probably not seen as clearly by her adoptive parents, and I'm sure her love and affection for her adoptive family is not seen as clearly by myself! Does it really matter???
Why can't we enjoy what we have with our children and free them from constantly being put in the middle of a "love tug of war"?
I know for a fact that they can. I know without a doubt that my adoptee son loves me and I know without a doubt that he loves his adoptive mother. Since I hand picked her to be his adoptive mother I am overjoyed by the love that's in his adoptive family.
I suppose I could see people who are involved in Foster Adoption not feeling that way. But, I wonder how if it was an infant adoption and you love your child, how could you not want him to have a loving relationship with his birth or adoptive mother/family. It would be like not wanting your children to love their father if you were divorced.
Answer by onethentwins at 2:51 PM on Apr. 4, 2009
Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2009
All people including children have an endless capacity for love! There is no limit on how many people we can love or how much we con love one person. Thats what makes us so special!!! Children especially because they love so freely without predjudice.
Answer by Familytyme at 3:13 PM on Apr. 4, 2009
Answer by animalcarespc at 4:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2009
Answer by torismom14 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 4, 2009
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:13 PM on Apr. 4, 2009
Answer by aajsluckymommy at 9:55 AM on Apr. 5, 2009
Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:12 PM on Apr. 5, 2009
Yes I believe they can love more than one set of parents. I did and I'm not an adoptee - LOL!
What I mean is my stepmother was in my life for 25 years and although it was a little rocky through the teen years (isn't it for most families?) I grew to love her very much. When she died she had been my stepmom for 3/4 of my life and I was crushed. I still miss her very much...
Loving her took nothing away from the love I have for my mother. Maybe that's why it was easier for me to understand that I don't lose anything by Joshua loving his birthmom, you know? If anything, I think I ultimately gain in many ways and I know he certainly does!
Good question my friend!
Answer by blessed3times at 10:17 PM on Apr. 6, 2009
Answer by casjoh at 8:45 PM on Apr. 7, 2009