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Is it ok to let our 2 month old daughter cry?

I have been completely dropping what i'm doing every time our 2 month old baby cries to pick her up. She cries everytime I put her down and I worry that I'm training her to need to be held. I'm even holding her right now as i'm typing with one hand! I am completely unable to get anythimg done and my husband is getting really upset. Last night he suggested we put her down and let her cry for 5 min before checking on her...We tried this 3 times then finally picked her up. Is this alright or is it awful to do this to her? I worry that she may be too young to do this to her but yesterday I was so tired of putting her down and running to the bathroom and back as fast as I could while she was crying. On top of that I can see mu husbands frustration and we have begun to fight about it. If it is ok to let her cry then how long is too long at 2 months? Please help!!!

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Asked by kellycali at 2:53 PM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (22)
  • There is no right time to let your child cry. But you do what feels right to you. And if that means she lays in her crib for a few minutes just so you can go pee, then its okay. As parents we comfort our chidlren, but sometimes we need some time alone, and that includes being able to go to the bathroom. You know your baby best, you can differentiate her crys. I don't think there is anything wrong with putting her down for a few seconds just so you could get a few things done. Also if she constantly wants to be held, have you thought of putting her in a swing. It used to work wonders for me, with my first son. I would actually bring it in the bathroom with me, put the baby in it, turn it on, and jump in the shower. Like I said you do what you have to do.

    Answer by Reggie2 at 2:59 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • It doesn't hurt to let her cry for a few minutes while you're finishing something up, going the bathroom, etc. This isn't the same as the "cry it out" at bedtime that gets people so riled up around here (that's not appropriate at 2 months). I sometimes had to take a shower with my colicky baby daughter crying in her bouncer seat... otherwise I wouldn't get a shower ever. Some babies cry whenever they're in the car, and there's not much you can do about it then... So don't be hard on yourself or let anyone make you feel bad that you know what your daughter's cry sounds like. That said, at that age she still does need to be comforted by you, you don't need to worry about "spoiling" her yet. I'd get a comfortable sling or carrier (I love my Mobywrap) so you can keep her close and still get things done.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 3:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Well, I can tell you that my daughter did that to me for the first 4 months. She is now 9 months and can play happily by herself on the floor, be happy in her jumperoo for a while and even play in her high chair while I cook. She has not been trained that I woill hold her all the time. She just needs her mommy right now. Hold her when she wants to be held and before you know it, she will be confident enough to have some independence from you . . . and it will make you sad. . . . at least it did for me.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 3:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • No! Dont let her cry it out. Babies should NEVER be left to cry. Get some type of sling or baby carrier, and get used to it. Your a mother now! :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Anon 314. She did not say "cry it out." Do you ever drive in your car and your baby cries, wanting out? Do you take her out and put her on your lap? No, you let her cry. Or maybe you've given up going anywhere in the car, because you're such a good mom that you put your baby first, unlike the rest of us who are such terrible moms that all we think about is ourselves... Gimme a break.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 3:22 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • It's not okay to let her "cry it out"... as in "train" her to self soothe at this age. But it is okay for her to cry from time to time. Sometimes you need to put her down to use the bathroom or eat and as long as she is in a safe place and her needs are met... she might need to cry for a couple of minutes. I would try a sling or carrier.

    Answer by AmiJanell at 3:31 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • you know what i just had to go through this literally 3 weeks ago to the day and for like a month before that i would let her cry it out and then i got the most wonderful advice because i was having anxiety attacks from listening to her scream. i dont know who the hell said that is an ok thing to do to someone so little and reliant on your every move, totally wrong. But i do think it is ok if you stay in there with them, maybe stroke their hair and dont leave until they are asleep and maybe start out with just doing nap time, the first day i stayed with her she cried for about five minutes and then she was out and for the first time she slept for more than 30 minutes and before this i would rock her in a rocking chair for up to 2 hours sometimes, i would put a movie on to help keep me occupied from wanting to get up and i would put a little table next to me to put something to drink or veg e-mail i have some good tips

    Answer by emleejane at 4:12 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • if you are in the room and there to reassure them that they are ok, and caressing them, i think this method is great and really works, they need their rest, these littles guys grow so fast and play so hard. i rocked her in a rocking chair for almost e year everyday for two years just to avoid letting her crying out. i think there are certain things kids should cry out but leaving them alone like that could give them seperation anxiety. their memories are not that good yet so they might think your not going to ever come back and for someone so young that is devestating. ya know. this is a topic i could talk about all day long.

    Answer by emleejane at 4:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • one more thing and i promise ill stop. it doesnt happen over night it took me about 3 weeks but there hasnt been any tears she use to cry when i would even take my hand out of the crib but now its down to where i dance with her for about five minutes or so just to get her relaxed and i leave the music on country, i lay her down give her something to cuddle with and all situated and i can leave without a single tear, its great i wish someone would have told me all this way earlier it would have saved everyones sanity and my little baby screaming her heart out for me

    Answer by emleejane at 4:20 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • your baby also might have colic and thats just what happens and if that is what it is then your husband needs to step in and be more supportive, you guys are in this together and are a team. does he want to look back 20 years from now and say he liked the way he dealt with problems, im thinking he would regret that. its just as frustrating for you as it is for him but fighting doesnt solve anything and your baby will feed off of that. my baby had colic until 3 and a half months and then after she got over it all she wanted was me and now she a year and a half and still getting over it, its all a progress and he should be in with you and not making you feel like your doing something wrong. do what feels right and nothing else, there is no law saying you have to do things by parenting book status.Good luck!!!

    Answer by emleejane at 4:24 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

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