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How should I pitch my wanting to adopt or at least foster a baby to my husband?

Ive thought of this alot lately, and Ive prayed about it! And I really want to adopt or at least foster a baby! Id like to get one around my sons age, he'll be 2 years old in June. But the last time 'adoption' was brought up in a conversation, my husband was against it, he said "adoption is for people who cant have kids, we can!" (obviously, our son was sitting in the backseat while we were talking, headed to a family reunion)
But this has just stuck in my mind for while! I havent said anything to him yet cause I thought maybe it was just another one of my crazy ideas and it would pass... but I think this would be a really good, fun thing to do!
Although, like I said, my son will be 2 in June and Im not sure how well Ill do with 2 toddlers! So Im having a hard time with this! Ive printed off some FAQs about adopting and fostering from an adoption agency's website I know of so I can show my husband!
I need help and advise!!

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Elyse23

Asked by Elyse23 at 4:30 PM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Well, I also have the desire to adopt, not foster. But my dh is against it, so for now, I guess its going no where. Just the way it has to be when one person doenst agree to a LIFE changing decision like this.

    And I am glad you prayed about it, that is the right thing to do. But you seem to have a overly optimistic view of adoption and especially foster care. They can be really difficult and take a toll on people emotionally, physically and financially.

    You can a "really good, and fun thing to do" you sound carried away by the nice thoughts that come with adoption and foster care. But there is an ugly side too.

    I would suggest before you carry this any farther, that you find couples who have done foster care and adoptions, get the WHOLE story. I have several friends and I can tell you foster care especially can RIP your heart out. The people who do it are VERY VERY special people.

    Not bashing ;)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 4:36 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I actually had exchange students first. If you truly want to do this you need to talk openly to your dh. Tell him you're thoughts, and do an enormous amount of research. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions before you ever bring a child home. After the child is placed the real work begins. I adore my kids, and have really loved mothering them, but it's not for the faint of heart.

    If you are going to be able to do this, both of you have to be on the same page.
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 5:27 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Congratulations on feeling the need to foster and/or adopt! It's a wonderful thing certainly. I will caution you though not to "pitch" it to your husband. It's not a sales proposal, it's not like you're trying to win him over to buying a new piece of furniture....it's a life altering experience that both husband and wife should be 100% willing to commit to. It takes a lot of time, patience, and love and can cause a lot of frustration, heartache, and anger.

    My suggestion would just be to sit down with him when you both have a quiet moment and tell him what you feel God is putting on your heart about helping other children. Let him tell you what is going through his mind and heart when he says no. More than likely it's more than just his reason that you can have children. Just be open and understanding to his views and hopefully he'll be the same towards yours.
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 7:37 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I'd make him a cake that says 'SURPRISE - WE'RE ADOPTING! (or fostering?)'

    Decorate it lavishly with plenty of colorful sprinkles.
    SarahColbert

    Answer by SarahColbert at 11:26 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I'd make him a cake that says 'SURPRISE - WE'RE ADOPTING! (or fostering?) Decorate it lavishly with plenty of colorful sprinkles.

    You're joking, right?

    No, I don't think you should "pitch" adoption to your husband and try to talk him into it. I happen to know a few afamilies in which one parent didn't really want to adopt. It's unfair to a child to do that. There's no harm in educating him about adoption, but "pitching it" isn't a good idea.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 6:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I totally agree with everyone, except SarahColbert has no idea what she is talking about, fostering and adopting is a little different than finding out your having a baby. I would casually bring it up to him and feel him out, see what his reaction is, then talk about it. It is a lot of work, and sometimes heartbreak!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I was joking. Trust me, I was joking.

    I
    SarahColbert

    Answer by SarahColbert at 10:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • It's really important that those in parental roles with children are both "on board" with being in those roles. Especially so in a situation where the children you are parenting are not your biological children as some are hyper-sensitive (and with good reason) to anything that could be construed as less than 100% confidence in their parenting role. Any child can be insecure in their place in a family - we look to the parents in our lives to assure us that we belong and that they are completely commited to us. As adoptees or foster children we have the knowledge that our first family unit is not longer together and that is an unsettling concept for a child who does not have the life experience to understand that it has nothing to do with them individually.

    Fostering and adoption are not for the faint of heart. It is deeply rewarding but the "fun" sometime is not seen so clearly. I wish you the best. LEARN and Soak it up!
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 10:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • tell him you really want to foster a child, but when you go to the classes mark both foster and adoptive home its alot easier when HE FALLS IN LOVE with the child and wants you to adopt. it works we have adopted 7and are adopting our last baby she is 2 now we have had her since she was 7 weeks old and she is the queen of the castle she has use all wrapped.....just remenber when doing foster care ALWAY have your child be the oldest because the good kids will most likely pick the bad habits.
    jacque1

    Answer by jacque1 at 3:32 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I am an adoptive parent. As I read your note I immediately picked up on two things: 1. You stated that you want to adopt a child the same age as your 2 year old, yet said that you don't know if you can handle two toddlers. Before you adopt a child, you must be positive this is what you can want! Both parents must be! 2. The decision to adopt should never be made based on trying to do a good thing for a child. If your goal is to save someone, you're not starting out on the right foot. My belief is that your goal should be more of a selfish one... a desire to love and raise a child. Although people mean well when they tell me how wonderful a person I am to have adopted my two children, it really aggravates me when I hear this and my response is always the same: "No, my motives were purely selfish, I wanted children to love. I am the lucky one. I am blessed to have them. I thank God for them both everyday!"
    Be Sure!
    funwithfaithmom

    Answer by funwithfaithmom at 2:04 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

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