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What's More Important Prt. II

We are going through some problems and our families have gotten too far involved. My mom and his mom exchanged words. He said he is willing to work on our issues and see counselling but he wants us to step away from both sides and work on our issues alone with a counselor. I feel like we can't do this alone but he will not work on anything until we put our families to the background. He also says that they will be there no matter what but I don't think thats a good idea. He wants us to go to a "neutral church" seeing as though my mom is the pastor and my father is the bishop. He says thats the only way he will work on our marriage. He said if I can't commit to moving churches and pushing both families aside we can not be together but I'm not ready.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Starting a life on your own and away from your extended families sounds like a good idea and I agree with your husband. If your familes are causing you problems then I would distance myself from both and work on the problems in the marriage and when things get better deal more with your family but have boundaries. You can go to your parents church one sunday every month if you would like. I think that sounds like a good idea. You shouldn't let your family come between you and your husband. You two should work together and come to a compromise and your family should respect that...if not then that is their problem

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:20 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • if your not ready to leave your mommy and daddy then you shouldn't have gotten married. You made a family now take care of it

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • You cant have a marriage when you let others get involved.. you are the one in love with him, your parents dont have to be, they just have to love you enough to respect your love for him. It is not unfair of him to ask these things. If you arent ready to chose him, you need to be honest, but know that it may cause him to make his decision about your relationship. I understand you love your parents and dont want to upset them, but in the long run, working on healing your marriage and providing a happy two parent environment for you child is a very healthy thing to do. I dont know all the details so this is only based on what ive read, but he seems to be willing to work on yalls problems, that is a blessing. Fix your marriage, then find ways to have healthy family gatherings. (if family is willing maybe ask them to some therapy for all of yall) But if he is a good man, (willing to work on his faults) put him first. Praying 4u!

    Answer by Tzutchka at 9:28 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • you married him and that means that he comes first now not your family, hes right your family does need to stay out of it

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 9:30 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I agree with your husband. When you got married you agreed to be a family with him and put him first. You need to ignore everyone else and work on your marriage (if that is what you want). It is ultimately you and him.

    Answer by ZaTa at 9:30 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Sometimes you have to take a step back to get everything into perspective, if having parents involved makes your husband uncomfortable then they're the ones you need to take a step back from, I'm not saying cut them off, but make any talk about the relationship with your husband totally off limits. If it takes moving to another church for a while to get him into counseling then it's going to be very worth it, the fact that he wants counseling is a good sign. While you're in counseling talk about the whole problem, family included if they're causing any problems. In the end, your family will still be your family, but your relationship with your husband is what you make it.

    Answer by heratyc at 9:46 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I agree with your husband. And I commend him for wanting to step up and work on your marraige in a mature way. It seems like you have a lot of growing up to do.I read both parts of your question and wonder if you're ready to be a married woman?

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 10:27 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

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