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i am not in love with my husband

what more can i say? i love him. i really do. but i am no longer in love with him. it is so hard to admit this...i feel beyond guilty. he is a good man. he takes care of us. we just have so little in common. i find myself fantasizing about other men. i hate it. i also feel really lonely and depressed. he thinks i am boring and no fun...yet there are so many pieces of me he has never seen. we have two kids and i really want them to have both of their parents. this is something i was not given as a child. i feel trapped. someone please help. please give me some insight. i really need it!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • How long have you been married? Were you "sure" when you married him? Here's the deal, we all go through this. Have you tried finding some things that you alone are interested in and then pursue them? Try this for a while, whether it's an art or language class, helping at a shelter, working part time, etc. Go work out or start a new sport or do something that might make your heart sing before you throw in the towel totally. Part of it could be that you think he's supposed to "make" you happy. That's really not his job. It's yours. Start trying to make you happy separate of him. Then, after some serious time, if you still aren't in love, then so be it. Be responsible for your heart singing though, as it's not his job. Hopefully, by doing something you're passionate about, it will transform your relationship. You'll have new stuff to talk about and a passion that is all your own. And he'll sort of envy your new drive. Good Lk.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:10 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I promise you that things will get better. There was a time that I felt the same way about my husband, and now 13 years later, I love him more than ever. Let him know how you feel. Wake him up a little bit. He might be thinking that he already 'has' you, so why keep trying. good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Things can get boring after a while, that happens. Try to look at old videos or your wedding picture. Look at the pictures of your kids being born. Get out the cards and old love letters he wrote to you. Remind yourself of when you were IN love with him and WHY you were in love with him. Every time I get irritated with my husband or annoyed that he's been at work for days, I look at the first picture of my son on the scale right after he was born and remember the tears in my husband's eyes at that moment. It brings my "blah, boring marriage blues" into check.

    It is natural to have a positive response to members of the opposite sex with features that we admire. Especially when we're not getting romantic attention or that attention that "revs our engine" at is REALLY flattering to be noticed or paid attention to by another man. You need to get back to where your husband makes your heart flutter again.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:13 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I have to add, when you feel least in love is a really good time to give love even though you may want to smack him. I'm serious. Try embracing him more, appreciating what he brings to your lives, etc. I say this because it worked for me and marriage ebbs and flows with sometimes a year where you feel he's wrong for you.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:14 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • im in the same boat, but i think i will get better

    Answer by aliciatron at 12:14 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • (cont.) As him his feelings on your marriage. You may find that he's either clueless or either feels the same as you do. Either way, knowing where each of you are in the marriage will enable you to come to a place where you both want to be. He needs to make more of an effort to sweep you off of your feet and vice versa. Do what you can to save your marriage. I think too many people end marriages without really knowing if it could have worked or not. Rough patches happen.

    Think about what YOUR needs are and tell him. Ask him about his needs and try to meet him in the middle.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:15 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Well if he thinks you are boring and no fun then show him those sides of you that he has never seen go have some fun together, go on a weekend getaway, get kinky in the bedroom at least try!! If it fails then hey at least you got a few vacations and some good sex huh?? I would give it at least 6 months of really REALLY trying to rekindal things!! Good luck!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 12:20 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Show him the fun side of yourself... get a babysitter and go have a great time somewhere doing something you did when you were dating or just after you got married.
    It's getting that time of the year for carnivals and those are always fun no matter how old you get!

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:23 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Feel the same

    Answer by Leilany1019 at 12:28 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Feel the same way - I am trying to keep it together although for another reason it's hard for me at times in my head.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

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