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how do i get my sister to understand that her abusive husband won't change?

a week ago sat. my bro-in-law attacked my sis and tried to kill her. i kept her and one of her boys at my house for safe keeping ( my bro-in-law is afraid of me). but she had already spoken to him. and before the end of the week had already seen him numerous times. she knows she's facing the loss of family support if she goes back. and knows the rewards of moving forward w/ time. but all i'm hearing is how much she loves him. losing patience. any advise?

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Asked by annimol13 at 8:47 AM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • iits hard for someone thats in an abusive relationship to realize
    A. because they love them
    b. because deep down their really afraid

    sadly theirs not much you can do but keep trying to talk to her and show her that she's going to be ok without him.. and if that doesnt work.. look up some stuff online and maybe you can some how change her mind of just talk to your local relationship violence prevention agency and see if they can help you with talking to her!

    Good luck!

    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 8:50 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Yeah, let her do it on her own, but, be there when she needs someone. Most abused people have to do it themselves without interference from family. Theres a breaking point that she has to get too.Just keep in contact with her, don't be judgemental.I know this is easier said than done. Let her be the one to do the right thing.In her mind, she knows whats right, it is her heart that doesn't know what to do.

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:51 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • the only thing I know to do is to say "I'm here when you need me". If he's that afraid of you... then why not tell him that if he lays another finger on her you're going to deal with him? Maybe you should pop in more often or something? I don't know, other than, women are beat down emotionally, physically and they don't understand that their children are learning that this is normal behavior and they're likely to be abusers or be abused when they're adults when they're raised this way. I hope she gets enough and leaves for good soon. And I hope his next wife, or your sister learns to stand up for herself and uses the grit ball technique (Madea's Family Reunion movie) or something like it to be certain he knows she's had enough.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:09 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • You cant. She needs to realize it on her own. You may need to be the "bad guy" here and report this to the police if she wont. They may be upset about it, but in the long run, she will be thanking you. Can you let your neice/nephew return to an abusive household? If you can't, then you need to take action. If your sister does nothing, she may end up having her kids taken away, because its your sister's responsibility to keep them safe.
    I mean, honestly - he tried to KILL her. He needs to be reported to the police, or you wont have a sister. JMO

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 10:06 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

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