Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What's wrong with people?

I'm 9 wks pregnant with my 2nd. my daughter is almost 5 and a very happy and healthy kid I must say I'm a good mom. I'm a single mom and though this pregnancy wasn't planned (guess protection fails haha) I'm still trying to make the best of it and enjoy my pregnancy. My boss and coworkers some who I thought were good friends are judging me harshly for having another baby and not being married. One 'friend' went as far as offering to raise my baby! I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. My boss is very into the mormon religion and alot of coworkers are in recovery and 12 step programs ( I happen to be neither) so I'm getting alot of unwanted "advice" from every direction. Since when do people think its their right to manage other peoples lives?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • Oh girl, everyone thinks they know what's best for everyone else. Just smile, nod and say "I'm doing fine just fine."
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:31 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I'm sorry. If I find a way to get them to butt out I will let you know, I get it too, and the only way I have found to deal with it is hjust to tell them that I am working on a plan of my own that will work for me and they usually get the hint without me having to tell any details. Just say, well I think I got it covered, I have a daughter already and I think I know what wors for me. Sorry, hopefully you can find someone else with better advice. GL
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 11:34 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Wow, I thought in this day and time that yours is not an unusual situation and most people wouldnt blink an eye. hmmmm....

    If people said something to me, I would just say "oh were doing great!!" "got it all covered" ect.

    Smile and go on. I know easier said than done.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 11:40 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I hear ya. I get the same kind of stuff from people at school because I'm 17 and having my first. Sometimes I take the bitchy approach, might not be the best but I get very offended when people try to tell me that we I've done is wrong. It's kind of like this, I start off by telling them "Yeah, I know I made a mistake, I don't need you reminding me of that." and if that doesn't work I use something like "hey, I don't judge your life and the things you do and trust me I don't agree with every aspect of YOUR life but I keep my mouth shut, so please do the same" AND then once with someone of another religion...she said "you have ruined your entire life, you are a sinner and will be punished and that baby will never be happy with someone like you as a mother..." I pretty much lost it and said "listen, you are what you are, don't even know what religion you are but I do know that it's not MY religion and....
    javila

    Answer by javila at 11:46 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Cont: "and you are from Libya or whatever, and I've respected your beliefs this long but let me tell you something...MY religion is different from yours and I would NEVER tell you how to live your life or that you were taking the wrong path and if you cannot respect me in MY OWN COUNTRY then you need to go back to YOUR COUNTRY" she was nice as could be the next day. (this was teacher that said this to me by the way.) uhg
    javila

    Answer by javila at 11:48 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • By the way...I realize that makes me sound racist but I am far from it. I'm engaged to a Guatemalan, everyone I've ever dated has been from another country/culture and there are african americans and asians in my family. not racist but i don't like people telling me that what i believe is wrong.
    javila

    Answer by javila at 11:49 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I posted my question anonymous on accident... You guys are making me feel a little better about the situation... and I am thinking I may have to take the bitchy approach on this one. My boss who's of the male gender has had a thing for me for years and I felt uncomfortable around him to begin with.... I let alot of it go because my moms in management at the same company and don't want to cause any problems for her. He crossed the line by asking my mother if I knew about protection! And why would such a pretty girl ruin her life this way? It gives me the creeps he's been calling me at home. Not that I answer but I don't know how much longer to let it go on. I don't want to end up looking for a new job right now there's not alot out there.
    mizsaxton

    Answer by mizsaxton at 12:03 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • oh hun im sorry 2tell yu this but thats the way people r! people are ignorant2 the things they say sometimes!
    I had the same problem w/my second pregnancy cause I was also single &unmarried.... I wasnt exactly thrilled 2b pregnant again but I didnt like the constant comments that people made 2me! I also had friends telling me they wanted 2adopt my kid & family telling me 2have an abortion! CONSTANT COMMENTS DROVE ME NUTS!
    I had my first 2 sons 3 years apart! by different men (which made the comments worse)
    I am now pregnant again (3rd time) but this time it is from my second sons dad again. But I have not told ANYBODY in my family or my "friends" about it cause I dont want 2hear their mouth again! my baby is only 8months old an Im 22weeks pregnant! So u can imagine the bs that I am going 2hear since they were making smart comments when i waited 3years between children.
    I know how u feel. need any1 to talk2 send message
    mommyof_2boyz

    Answer by mommyof_2boyz at 1:29 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Yeah, I totally understand. I am an ABA therapist (I work with autistic children), and I go to a couple of families houses. I am 23 weeks pregnant, and unmarried by choice. One of my mothers has been trying to talk to me about it, how its best for the baby that we get married, its better in gods eyes, as if by not getting married I am hurting my son.

    I hate it, because she doesn't know my situation, she doesn't know my reasons, and she doesn't really care WHAT they are.

    I just have to go with it, ignore it, firmly say that I am making the best choice for MY CHILD, just as she made the best for hers. I know how difficult it is to go throuh what you are going through. There are enough hard and lifechanging choices to make right now, and there are so many people going out of there way to insult you, or imply you can't or wouldn't know how to be a good mother.

    If you find a way to defuse it, PLZ tell me!


    MandiDueAug09

    Answer by MandiDueAug09 at 3:13 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Pregnancy
Dreams about the sex

Next question overall (Shopping)
Look before you buy