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Living alone or commuting when pregnant - which is better?

My husband and I live apart due to our high-demand careers. We're trying to come up with a way to live together next year because we hate living apart, but that would mean LONG commutes for each of us, which would add additional stress to our already stressful lives. We are ready to have a baby NOW, but I'm scared about getting pregnant and having to live alone while working full-time. If anyone has had a similar experience or can give me advice one way or another (e.g., live together at all costs, the driving will be worth it - OR - live apart, sleep when you would normally be driving because you'll be exhausted), I would greatly appreciate it. Our work situation will not change for the next four years so waiting it out is not an option (plus, I'm not really a spring chicken anymore). Thank you!

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Asked by dhutc002 at 1:58 PM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (9)
  • I'm a single mom by choice and carried twins while living alone. You can do it...especially if you have some support nearby, be it a friend, coworker or a relative. The bigger concern is after the baby arrives. Are you going to take your career down a notch for the baby? Are you both really comfortable with one missing the early days of the baby's life?

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 2:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • There is no way maybe one of your jobs could transfer you closer together before the baby arrives? You can def do it alone but you are married and if you have that support use it! I depend on my husband for sooo much! And as much as you need to bond with that baby so does he. Once you both see that baby there is going to be no way either of you will be able to leave and go to the other home. I think this is something you two will have to sit down and talk about. Best of Luck.

    Answer by Tris_09 at 2:08 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • To add some info that I left out originally: we can't reduce our workloads or get transferred, although that would be nice. My husband is an MD (soon to be a hard-working medical resident) and I'm a PhD, so we both worked very hard to get where we are career-wise. Quitting would be career ending, and transfers don't occur in academia. The other dilemma is that neither of us have any family in the area, so I will really need to find a local support group.

    Answer by dhutc002 at 3:46 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • So, how does a baby fit in your busy schedules?

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 4:34 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • We'll make it work somehow. We're both very ready for kids, so we'll be part of the movement to force employers to make working conditions more family friendly! We'll obviously be seeking the help of a nanny or other childcare services because we can't do it all alone.

    Answer by dhutc002 at 5:27 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • If no family lives near by and you you can not tone down your work load it will be very hard to be a single parent. Your baby will have to be cared for by someone else very early on and will learn his/her behaviors and mannerism from those people. Would you be taking the first few months off? Bonding is very important early on for child development and if you wont be the one caring for the child it might not be in the best interest of the child. Plenty of women can care for children on their own, but they usually have some family support or not huge fast track careers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • OK, we're getting side-tracked! I will be taking a few months off from work after having the baby, which is why I'm trying to time it so that I give birth at the end of spring semester. By then, I'll be living with my husband for sure, but that is not my question. I'm interested in knowing what to do WHILE I'M PREGNANT, not after I have the baby. Thanks!

    Answer by dhutc002 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Yes, you can handle pregnancy on your own. But, definitely have a contingency plan for the "what ifs". What if you end up on bed rest? What if you are carrying twins and have to stop working at 24 weeks, or work from home? What if you go into labor early? Having a plan....even though things don't always go as we plan...can help bring some level of confidence.

    Also, trying to time things to allow for birth in a specific month rarely works. What will you do if a due date lands smack in the middle of finals week?

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 8:10 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • We found an awesome house, so I'll be able to live with my husband! Of course, I'll have a full-time job and a 120-mile commute, but we'll deal. Thanks for the advice!

    Answer by dhutc002 at 11:06 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

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