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To Those Who Adopted Privately or thru Agency...Are You Ok with Allowing The Birth Family in your Home for Visits?

I am just curious. If you adopted a child at birth via private/agency adoption and promised open adoption to the birth family...are you ok with having them in your home for visits? What about visitation period?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (30)
  • If they trust me and my guy enough to take care and raise her child. Then i can of course trust them in my house. I would also allow them at mine for visitations. But, they wouldn't be restricted there. We would go to a park or there place if tehy want. If we have agreed to an open adoption. Then that is what will happen.

    Answer by mum-to-be-at-18 at 2:52 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • i know i would never give a baby up without it being an open adoption

    Answer by aliciatron at 2:58 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Why should I honor an open adoption? She's giving the baby away because she doesn't want it, right? If she's giving away the baby, I don't care what she wants....she's not getting it. Once it's finalized, it will be closed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Charming anon. Way to have compassion.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Wow, anon 12:29, you're nothing but a bitch and a predator. If you want a closed adoption, find a mother interested in a closed adoption. Don't lie to some poor mom to get what you want.

    Actually, you shouldn't even adopt at all with that attitude. I hope you don't have other kids that will grow up with that nasty attitude.

    Answer by randi1978 at 3:45 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Damn straight randi1978.

    anon :29 - telling a vulnerable pregnant girl you will have an open adoption and then close it once its finalized. Its extremely cruel. And by the way...not all birth parents "dont want their kids" as you put it. The birth mum might not be able to give the baby the life it deserves. bmum could be dirt poor and her keeping her baby could be a bad idea for the both of them.

    I havn't spoken to a single birthmum who didn't regret it.

    Answer by mum-to-be-at-18 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • We are looking to adopt, but I think it all depends on how comfortable you are with the mother. For us, I think it would depend on how well we get to know the mother during her pregnancy, If we click and get along pretty well, she would be more like extended family, so we would be very comfortable having her in our home.

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 5:25 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • yep, she can come to my home anytime she wants. and because of location(i'm in texas, she's in maryland), she is more than welcome to spend the night, etc. we are linked together forever.

    Answer by animalcarespc at 8:36 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • We have had our DD's birthmother and her son stay with us, and we stay at her mom's when we visit. We feel very comfortable with them, and we enjoy them. We spent a lot of time together in the hospital after the birth and up to her discharge, so we got to know each other really well. I think it depends on the situation.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:43 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • To Anon 2:29 - I have to respectfully disagree with the statement that a birthmother gives up a baby because she doesn't want him or her. I have several people in my life who are birthmothers (even before we ever adopted), and I know it was the hardest decision they ever had to make. One was a friend of mine who was raped at a party at age 15. She followed through with her adoption plan with no support from her family. She believed that she could not provide the kind of life she wanted him to have, and she wanted to finish school. The other was was a grown woman who got pregnant while separated from her husband, then decided to place her baby after they got back together. She thought it wouldn't be fair to the child to be raised by a man who wouldn't accept her.

    I know there are still agencies that don't insist on open adoptions. PAPs should only agree to what they will live up to. Best wishes and good luck!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:48 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

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