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What ever happened to "it takes a village to raise a child"?

I'm not really asking for advice, its more venting, but maybe you have some thoughts. Everyone always talks about it takes a village to raise a child - and I found in the primary school years there are lots of people commenting on your child, encouraging him, even telling you what he did your (you kid said something nasty to my kid...), etc.

Do you find in the teen years that no one tells you stuff - good or bad? I even saw a post about an aunt who saw something in appropriate on her niece 'page' but didn't know if she should tell the mom, etc. And even some people say it isn't her problem to worry about!?!

Do you think one should tell other parents (or make a comment to the kid) if one sees their kids smoking, walking around town with an in appropriately aged 'bad' boyfriend, posting inappropriate photos or statements on their FB or Myspace page, etc.??


Asked by PhillyinFrance at 5:16 PM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • The internet is a very dangerous place for unsupervised teens. If I saw one I knew, I'd be telling mom. What they do with it after is their choice. And yes, parents of kids should stick together, so we can get the down low on all of our kids. It's rare but it still happens.

    Answer by Steff107 at 5:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • The village turned out to be filled with idiots.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Everyone is so worried about being politically correct that doing what's right is just trash to them.

    Answer by RenaeMom3277 at 5:21 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • "The village turned out to be filled with idiots. "

    This is why I don't want the village raising my kids!

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    though I do think a caring adult should say something to the parent if they see something bad, in today's world, most parents will get upset at the 'informant' b/c they see it as an attack on their parenting. and most adults don't want to have to deal with offending the parent I guess.

    I would say something and I would hope someone would tell me if my kids were into something they shouldn't be.

    Answer by Kiter at 5:41 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Well, most of the village got tired of you being defensive and grumpy everytime we told you your precious was hitting/smoking/swearing while not in your presence so decided that you should "man up" and parent your own child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Well philly, I am the parent that got ill about my sil calling me at 10 pm to let me know that my daughter had the f word on her page. Truly I think that when no one is helping or watching, then it makes a parents job a lot harder, but I stay on my teen like white on rice. I got irritated because she couldn't just leave it at that. She ended up talking about it to the whole family and then wrote me an email saying she didnt understand why I knew about it and it didnt make her delete it. She actually ended up insulting me. I had to explain that I didnt know about it and I DID make her delete it but since it all wasnt done in HER time frame, she accused me of not paying attention to my child and that apparently my virtue and values were lacking. I felt judged and attacked over what I feel was not in my complete control. Sure I dealt with it after the fact, but I don't SEE everything. I am fine having another parent keep.....

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:21 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • a heads up for me, but once it becomes where they are criticizing you because they think you didn't handle it the way they thought you should, then thats where I draw the line. I need help not judgment. THis was not helpful and my teen got labeled as a troubled child and it made me mad. So, while I think more parents of teens should be happy that other people are looking out for their child, they do become a bit extra sensitive because I think it makes them feel like other people think they are not watching their kid and thats NOT the case all the time. I do keep in touch with other parents of my dd's friends and we communicate about this very thing. So its definitely acceptable in this community to watch out for other peoples kids.

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:24 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • well i wouldn't dare let some people in this "village" raise my

    but yes OP to answer your question, i think parents should tell other parents of inappr. things.. i know if my son had nasty things up on his page, or was doing things i didn't allow, i would like to know!!

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 9:54 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Ahh, yes, many going points. I thought the village was fully of caring parents who want to see all teens evolve and mature - I forgot some of them are complete idiots. I also was not defensive about peoples comments in the past - I'm thankful and then I decide what to do. And this year, I asked the damn school and told lots of folks that after a year of HELL, I want them to tell me if they see the least little problem... NO ONE did! Yes, they are (impolite adj) idiots - either overbearing or blind!

    Personally, I know if I run in to a teacher I know (casually) whose 12 year old is smoking, I would just mention it to her in a non threatening way (like I just thought you might like to know, in case you didn't and may have had suspicions... ) and I can perfectly understand that might not be a battle she choses to fight. And I was happy my neighbor approached the kid and told him he was stupid to smoke.


    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 3:09 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I'm also very disillusioned with peers - even the ones you think would steer a kid the right way, don't. They are all accomplices in covering things up - be forewarned. At best, they seem to say I wouldn't do that, but if you want to, we'll cover up for you!

    I wish, just once or twice, another voice (other than parents that they increasingly tune out) would tell them something that might make them make better decisons. I remember some remarks of adults that postively influence me as a teen.... I just wish someone would reach out to my kids from time to time.

    In any case, I will continue to do so - with an occassional non-overbearing remarks to teens and/or their parents that might help them see right from wrong but I feel like I'm the only remaining person in the village!

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 3:19 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

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