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how can i get her to care

i have a 10yr old daughter .she dont care about school or herself she fights me in everything .she has learning disability shes in 3rd grade n she might have to repeat .she dont care .how do you help someone who dont listen to anything i say .ive tried diciplining but i get a so what i dont care attitude .i dont believe hitting but im a loss of words i try explaining to her the importance of hygene n rules n school. im out of ideas ive tried ignoring it but people are complaining to me n looking at me like i dont care n its not fair when im really trying hard

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miamimom2

Asked by miamimom2 at 7:22 PM on Apr. 5, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds to me that there is somethign going on with her. It is within herself. It is just problems she has sentimentally that are making her act this way. SHe is acting like she does not care of her grades or school because she has probably tried before and now she just rather not try and make it seem like she does not care. Get her some help maybe she needs medication for her learning disability. Then i would just sit down and talk to her. Forget about all those problems she's giving you and see what she has on her mind. Maybe you have other children and you havent been giving her enough time ?? hope this helps .. .and good luck with your tween. Someone can't just not care. She's building up a huge wall.
    firstXmomTX

    Answer by firstXmomTX at 7:28 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Have you thought about a reward chart. This worked for my brother. We wrote down things he needed to do. Shower, comb hair, etc. Everytime he did what he was suppose to we put a star next to it. Wheh he finished a week with x amount of stars he got to do or go somewhere that was important to him. Start out with a lower number so she knows that she will be rewarded.
    Hope this helps.
    Yebbers

    Answer by Yebbers at 7:28 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • having a learning disability is hard I have one and I was diagnosed in 2nd grade it helped that my mother has one too and she understood my frustration. So you might want to see if there is anyone older like a friend of that family that she knows well that also has a LD and can comisserate with her about it .

    lalasha

    Answer by lalasha at 8:29 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Find something she does thats good - I mean anything brushing teeth - sitting and doing homework for even 5 mins.- and tell her GREAT JOB! Positive reinforcement goes along way. Dont forget to tell her how much you love her and even though school is tuff you know she can do it. GL.
    bristle3kids

    Answer by bristle3kids at 9:04 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • You don't mention if there is a dad in the picture so maybe there is not and that could be bothering her seeing others that do. Either way, give her love, really just hold her at bed time no matter how upset you might be, let her know how much she means to you and how much you love her. Try and change your attitude and it might change hers. Your frustration no matter how you try to hide it is being revealed to her. She needs love and in the end everything else will fall into place I don't care what anyone says. If she does not feel cared for she will feel alone and just give up. Raising a child, especially a child with special needs is alot of work. I am sure you are doing all that you can and must be at the end of your rope, but hold on, and if you believe in GOD then get on your knees every night and ask HIM to give you strength, just do it and you might be amazed, what do you have to lose. Good luck and stay strong,
    mydreamowen

    Answer by mydreamowen at 9:12 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Give TONS of positive reinforcement but let her know that you are mom and what you say goes. When it's time for a shower, she takes a shower. If she doesn't, you will go in there with her and MAKE her take one. Don't punish for her refusal.....this is a power struggle and one that you absolutely CANNOT win. Just make her do it. It may be a fight the first few times (or if your daughter is very precocious even more than that) but eventually you will come out on top.

    Also, while her refusal, attitute, passive-aggressive behaviors are going on DO NOT get angry. The one reaction your kids want from you is anger. Evoking a grown-up to anger, frustration, tears, is a huge battle won.

    Another thing you really need to do is validate her feelings. She may feel very badly because of her LD. Let her know you understand she's pissed, scared, hurt, etc. but even if she feels this way, she is not the boss....mom is. BE FAIR WITH HER.
    ggad

    Answer by ggad at 8:59 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Does she have any role models such as aunts, grandmothers or teachers and is she in any groups such as girl scouts? My daughter was same but no disability. She NEVER seemed to care about anything but responded to other women and girlfriends. look for Big Sister association or disability support group or talk with guidance counselor at school for resources.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 3:25 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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