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Why do soooo many moms bash on MIL's?

I keep seeing posts all over about the MIL who did this and the one who did that and why can't my MIL just butt out. I find all this a bunch of crap. One word to all---KARMA


Asked by greenmom4543 at 4:07 AM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (28)
  • I don't mean that the wife is jealous. I mean that the mil is jealous, she is used to being "the mom", and "the number one woman" in her son's life. There are a lot of women that have a very hard time stepping back from that role and accepting that they are not the mom, they don't get to decide how they do things, and they are now secondary in their son's life.

    I've seen a lot of my friends struggle with this.

    I've also seen a lot of them be very overly sensitive to everything their mil says - one of us could suggest something, and that was fine, but if their mils said it, they were crossing the line and it was taken as criticism of their parenting.

    Again though, a lot of times, it's really up to the one whose mom it is to set the boundaries, and the gma / mil should respect that. Also, the couple should respect the inlaws, even if they don't always or even often take their advice.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:52 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • i dont think they are talking crap about ALL MILs some can just be really big pains others arent. i dont see why it matters though.

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 4:22 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I love my mil, we have a great relationship. I think that a lot of women have bad relationships though because of jealousy. Because for so long, Mom is the most important woman in her ds's life, and she can resent being displaced. Not that she wants to be "his woman" in a romantic way, but she wants to be number one. Also, there are a lot of wives that resent that mom has a role in her ds's life, and view any interest as interference, or they get mad at their mil's when, really, it's the man they should be mad at. After all, Mom can't "butt in" if her adult child puts their foot down and sets (and enforces) boundaries if there's a problem.

    But I agree that in a lot of ways, what goes around comes around. Your kids see how you treat (and are treated by) your inlaws, and they will treat theirs the same - and allow their so's to treat YOU like that.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:28 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • even if i dont have a good relationship with my MIL i can vent about it to other friends or moms if i please, but i would NEVER say anything about it in front of my children. i want my daughter to have the best relationship possible with all of her family.

    i also think that it is NOT jealousy. i think its just the cobmination of beliefs and ways they do things

    when two families come together they of course and expectantly are going to have disagreements because not everyone does everything the same.


    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 4:34 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I don't bash my MIL all. She is 16 hours away....she has been calling me like crazy lately but thats just because her first grandchild will be here soon! =]=] I think when someones referring to there MIL on here...they want advice....just somewhere to vent. I mean family can be pretty crabby at times....and we all know that.

    Answer by jdbrown21 at 4:45 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I don't bash my MIL, sometimes I complain and sometimes I asked advice but I love my MIL.

    Answer by Kari_Noelle at 5:21 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Well, Apparently you don't have MIL problems. How I wish I didn't have MIL problems.
    My MIL and I are oil and water. She stays with us every summer. It use to be 3 months stay now it's a month. Life was good when FIL was alive. Now since his death 10 yrs have passed and MIL and I don't connect. She seems to know what to say to drive a wedge between me and my family. My hubby is a momma's boy. MIL seems to work her magic. She's one of the loneliest woman in the world but won't let me into her world and in the long run has alienated me.

    Answer by MommabearGrr at 5:53 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • mommabear,

    That's what I'm talking about - she's lonely and jealous and wanting the attention, so she tries to drive a wedge between you all, and I get the feeling from your post that your dh allows it (by being a momma's boy).

    I'm sorry you're in that situation :-(

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:02 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think some people need to sit down with their MIL and actually talk to them and maybe spend some bonding time trying to get to know them.

    Answer by Ibelongtojesus at 6:36 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I feel that if I'm speaking the truth, it's not bashing. She is a lying, abusive, manipulating person. I just so happened to be married to her son, the first to leave home before age 18 followed by 2 more, and 2 more considering it. She always has rude comments and talks trash around town about us-and most everyone else that's come in contact with her. I have a long list of "wrongs" and when I honestly think of what I did to her-it was hard to come up with much. I was always respectful, sent cards and pics, phone calls with deployment updates-to which she told him little brother's he was being shot at-when he wasn't (yet). But after nearly 6 years of putting up with her & the result never changing, my husband and I cut off all ties. She's never seen our son, I quit sending cards, when she emailed that she had no idea why she was being treated this way, I laid out a long-long list in the nicest manner possible.

    Answer by RugersMommy06 at 6:48 AM on Apr. 6, 2009