Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I sit down with the parents?

My son (19 years old) had a choice
1. Do chores to help out.
2. Pay rent (if mom is gonna have to clean up after you all the time).
3. Move out.

He moved out. BUT he moved in with his friend, who still lives at home. They have not, to the best of my knowledge, even addressed with the parents that he is living there at all. The other boy said (when asked if they had talked to the parents) "He's not living here, he just stays here when he's not somewhere else"(Now that makes no sense at all - since my sons clothes are there & he sleep there). I feel bad and think I should go and talk to the parents. They are very kind and quite passive people and I'm not sure they would confront him at all, but would just keep putting up with it since he's been around them since 6th grade. I feel like he is really taking advantage of good people and think they should know the truth about why he moved out. Would you go and talk to them?

 
PaceMyself

Asked by PaceMyself at 6:05 AM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Sure. They may be ok with it. And maybe he is being more respectful to them then he was to you. He has put you in an awkward position, his friend has done the same with his parents. But I think you won't get any peace with this unless you do talk with the parents.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 9:13 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • P.S. It's been a month already.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 6:12 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I would go and talk to the parents.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:32 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I would. That pretty shady on both of those boys. It's time to grow up and take on responsibilities.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think I would... you were trying to teach him something about responsibility and even tho they're not doing it on purpose, they're defeating your purpose of the whole thing. It just shifted the financial side and the cleaning up after side to a different Mom is all.
    I personally think your son should've been paying you rent, and cleaning up after himself if he was going to live there, but that's just me (I expect my 3 and 8 yr old to pick up after themselves as much as they're capable of).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:53 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • NO, I wouldnt. It's their home and their decision. Leaving it alone might be a better solution. Calling his friends parents could make the sitiuation worse. I was on the recieving end of one of those convsersations once. What started out as a freindly conversation didnt end freindly. I basically told him, its none of your business what goes on in my house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think you should talk to them and ignore anon 7:51am..... Im sorry but if someones child is living in your house then yes its their business what goes on in it when it involves that child.... Be kind and gentle about when you talk to them.... Don't accuse them of anything... Just ask if they knew your son was living there.
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:55 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I would go and talk to the parents I have boys my oldest is 22 and they tell u what u want to hear
    mom2fivekids579

    Answer by mom2fivekids579 at 8:59 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • think you should talk to them and ignore anon 7:51am..... Im sorry but if someones child is living in your house then yes its their business what goes on in it when it involves that child.-------------

    Its not the poster's business what goes on in someone else's house. The poster's son was given an ultimatum, he chose to leave. And he is OVER 18. She can ignore me, I had the situation happen to me. The situation would have worked it self out had the father not called and made an ass of himself. NOW as it is, the kid doesnt talk to his parents AT ALL. And its got nothing to do with me. I have encouraged the kid to talk to his parents, he wont. HIs father meddled into something he brought on himself. If you are going to give someone an ultimatum, you should be prepared to deal with the answer given. You cant tell them to get out, and still control them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Thank you anon, I appreciate your opinion. However, what I'm saying is that I have known these parents for a very long time. I think I merely need to know that they know that he is living there. This isn't about controlling him, it's about making sure that they know he is there and as long they know, then I"m fine with that. If they don't care, I don't care. Just so long as we all know, you know?
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:49 AM on Apr. 6, 2009