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How do I deal with a Teen who does not ever listen and who has anger issues?

I have a 14 year old teen son. Who has alot of trouble with obeying myself and his father. He is very sensitive to everything and expresses alot of his anger through verbal or physical. Such as punching the wall or anything in his path. I have had to be the middle person,to be in between his father and him. He is out of control when his anger kicks in. What do I do? Where do I turn? He is refusing to go to school now. I just dont knwo what to do. Its making me a nervous wreck, especially since eventually this will turn into a legal issue. Anyone who has or is going through this please feel free to contact me. Chat would be great. Thanks!

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Ladyemerald2107

Asked by Ladyemerald2107 at 11:02 AM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Send him to a therapist or psychiatrist. He needs to learn how to deal with his anger issues. When he punches someone, and the time will come soon if you don't get him help, he can and most likely will be brought up on assault charges and will be treated as an adult. It is your job as his parent to get him the help that he needs. Him refusing to go to school falls on your head too and you can and will be brought to court on truancy charges for him not going to school. Get that kid the help he needs now before you lose all control and hope that he will be a productive adult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • First thing I would do.Is go int his room and take everything out..Excepthis bed,dresser and cloths and school stuff..Put it in storage away from the house. Take all his privileges away. Cell, computer,allowance, everything. Then sit the whole family down and talk. Do not give his stuff back tell he start acting right and going to school.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:11 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • ill send you a message when I'm on the computer. (im using my phone during a 'cleaning break') we went through this with my brother. give me an hour or so and ill send you a message
    theheartbaby

    Answer by theheartbaby at 11:14 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Tough love. You have to get tough with him now - it's going to hurt the three of you equally in different ways - but getting tough now and showing him you mean business is the only way to get him back on track. I agree with the other poster. Take away everything that is not a necessity - take away his dresser and give him boxes to put his clothes in, all electronics and only homework supervised computer time, take away his bedroom door, etc - if it's not a necessity of life and it's not bolted to the floor take it -including his bed frame (leave the mattress) - CPS is not going to take your child away because you take away his dresser or door. He can EARN it back with his attitude, grades, choices and behavior. Make sure your expectations are clear before you do it, though. Don't just wing something that drastic. My parents went through the Tough Love program with me and it totally worked.
    texassahm

    Answer by texassahm at 11:45 AM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • The Love and Logic for teens book is pretty good.

    I think it is called Parenting Teens with Love and Logic...

    I fullly agree with taking away everything (justhave bed/dresser/school stuff iin his bedroom)-
    make hims wash his own laundry & dishes even- maybe.

    Rememebr when you are taking things away- to ADD LOVE- plan family outings, do something fun/special with him, make a meal he loves or a favorite dessert. Make sure discipline isnt a 'withdrawal of love'.

    I also think a child therapist or behavioral pyschologist is a good idea.

    Would he agree to a virtual Academy School? where all his schooling is done at home, online. I think all states have have this option for their public schools. In Gooogle- type in "Virtual Academy [Your State]"
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 12:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Love and Logic... I kid you not is AWESOME! I would read that and get everyoneinto counseling, that way you can all express your feelings in a safe environment. It sounds like this has been going on for long enough that it has effected every aspect of your life, so therefor family counseling and even individual counseling might be the best route! Good Luck!

    MNMom247365

    Answer by MNMom247365 at 3:03 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Anger Management Counseling along with family counseling. Part may be his hormones but he still needs to learn how to control his anger and respect his family and their belongings. If he refuses to go to school, find out why (there could be issues), and if he still gives you problems, call the truant officer...they will come and get him.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 5:16 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • i was a really really angry teenager, i got into alot of trouble, and did alot of mean things and it was all because i was trying to get attention from my dad, it was the wrong kind of attention but still it was attention, im not anything like that anymore and i didnt know then that i was trying to do that but looking back now i realize. my mom left when i was 2 and also never came back so i had alot of built up resentment towards alot of people. be empathetic, and maybe talk about getting some counseling help, i wish i would have had more and honestly when i was a teenager i would have gone if my dad would have offered i think i was just too embarassed to ask for help, you know how teenagers can be stubborn like that. so maybe make a suggestion or let him pick out his own couselor
    emleejane

    Answer by emleejane at 5:25 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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