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Tuff mommas advice pls!

My son has been punished for a month. He knows what to do to get off it and get stuff back and other things. He stated "Mom I'm trying to show YOU I don't need those things you took from me" WOW...yet he is showing signs of bitterness and anger so its backfiring on him. . I am trying to geer him in the right direction. I fear seeing co-dependent, unemplyed and low desire to suceed yrs later. Should I now brainstorm an option 2 let him choose or stay my course for what I'm asking from him option one only? Should we go to counseling for his anger that is growing now too? Thanks!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • if what your ding doesn;t work- do somethingelse. right?

    So taking away things doesn;t work.
    how about adding chores, making him clean the garage or scrubb the bathrooms, etc- and NO OUTINGS or calling/texting friends, no TV, no Wii or Playstation until he has done his extra chores.

    But you have to always make sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel. something he is working towards - if he has everything taken away and has nothing to look forward to at the end- he'll just give up. "Why Bother?"

    make sure you are still showing love. It's easy t want to withhold love when disciplining, make sure that doesn;t become the case. Do fun family nights, play games he likes, make dessert he likes. Discipline is not a Withdrawal of Love.

    here's a good book-
    http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Teens-Love-Logic-Adolescents/dp/0891096957

    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 12:54 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I suggest you make an offer to him to earn back some of the things you took away... That way he will feel like hes not doing something for nothing and it will teach him about earning things and responsability... sp... and it will also teach him discipline sp. If he starts to act out, take back one thing he earned and let him know that if he behaves and does what hes told, he can earn it back... See where I'm going here?
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 12:59 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I agree, keep a postive attitude, show you love him, and if at some point he shows a simmer of interest in earning back what was taken, I agree wiht the other post - offer extras to get it back. Of course, it means you have to touch a soft spot and get some willingness out of him - not easy.

    As an example, my kid graffiti'd at school (long story!) but we had to pay $200. It would have taken years to get that back just based on allowance, so we offered him extra jobs of cleaning the car, and mowing the lawn. He paid us back in a few months without having to use bday money and all, and now he sometimes asks if he can clean the car or something if he wants to earn extra money. And in spite of the origin of the problem, there was some pride in him having 'served his time' and putting the event behind us.
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 1:15 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I don't have any advice but I wanted to say what great answers everyone else have given and congratulations on being such a caring mom that you are willing to do whatever it takes to help your son!
    naomianne2

    Answer by naomianne2 at 1:25 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Anger should result in counseling so it doesn't turn into resentment... I LOVE PhillyinFrance's answer and will remember it because it teaches the kid awesome work ethic! And the book Parenting a Teen with Love and Logic is AWESOME! I have been a Love and Logic parent since my children showing signs of independence and it is truly a God-sent of a book! It works!

    MNMom247365

    Answer by MNMom247365 at 2:40 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • We have used extra chores around our house as the teen earns each privilege back. It has instilled an awesome work ethic that I believe will help them become more independent and productive. We have the "you break it, you fix it" motto around here.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 3:37 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • My 16 y.o was grounded for a month and said he "didn't care"- so frustrating- but acted like he did care I think it is part of the power struggle they try to convince us that what we do for punishment doesn't matter thinking that will make us give up. When everything is taken away we add extra chores that he can do to earn the things back-if he never gets them back what can I take the next time he is in trouble? -LOL I have also said to him "ok smart a$$ if my punishments aren't working YOU pick your punishment" and he has come up with some good ones of course we have to approve it, and he has tried to get off easy, but we discuss it and tweak it until we both are happy with it.
    My harshest punishment is shutting off his power at the breaker box, his room is on its own switch and I just shut it off and send him to his room! Teens don't like not having power.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 3:47 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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