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Am I wrong for not letting my daughters father take her for the day?

Well my daughter's father hasn't called for a week and calls today and asked if he can take her for the day. I nicely sad no and he just flipped and hung up on me. I called him back and he did it again then he calls back. I told him he can come visit her but he started to yell at me and said no I should be able to take my daughter where ever I fucking (sorry bout the language) want to and then once again hung up. He has a new gf and I don't want them to take her places. He should be able to go to the zoo with us as our family even if we aren't together. So am I wrong? I don't think I am but people might have advice on what to do as well because I want him to see her and all. Plus we had plans alittle later today. Oh my daughter is 6 months by the way and I just don't feel comfortable since he's been so odd lately.

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Lizzie32390

Asked by Lizzie32390 at 12:52 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (12)
  • Your gut feeling is right if you don't think she should go with him you are absolutely right. But I do not think that the whole zoo idea with you as a family thing is right. If he was a resonsible dad that was consistant and saw her regularly and called about her regularly than he should be able to take her 1 on 1 to special places. I know that this may not be the way you envisioned your relationship or "Family" but you do not need to be there if he dosen't want you to be. But with that said niether should the other girl.
    Mommy3b1g

    Answer by Mommy3b1g at 12:59 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Every situation is different. If you have reason to not let her go, then that's all you need. I never let my baby go with her bio-dad -who is no longer in the picture. A child shouldn't be separated from it's mother so young. And if dad is acting weird, he shouldn't be around the baby. It's not about his parental rights. It's about the baby.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 1:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • what are the legal arrangements? if you don't have any, I suggest you get some. it makes it a lot easier to say "No, because the judge said it can't be that way" than to say "No, I just don't want you to"

    Just tell him you need to know a couple days ahead so you know not to make plans. I think a father shoud be able to take his child somewhere, BUT it's also not fair to call and say he wants to take her THAT DAY- you can's just cancel a playdate or trip to the park at his whims.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 1:07 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Go with what you feel is right. If he's acting all strange, I don't think he should be around her either. And plus, you already had plans with her today. He should let you know a couple days ahead, not at the last minute. Maybe you should go talk to a lawyer about getting some legal arrangements in place.
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 1:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • honestly i dont think you should as a rule "do things together as a family" if you arent together he should get alone time with his child unless there is some reason not to...and not because you dont like it...like if he is doing drugs or something illegal or if he doesnt have a drivers license and it planing on driving...things like that. Ive been in your shoes its not fun to see your baby be in someone elses care but honestly its not really your call unless a court has said you can tell him when and where he can take her. I know this isnt an "nice" answer but I totally see why he would be pissed...i know i would be if i was in his shoes
    Rysana

    Answer by Rysana at 1:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think it's fair for him to take her, but he shouldn't expect to pick her up at a moments notice! Kids don't need that in their life. Kinda silly, but yes, he needs to schedule an appointment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think if a parent denies the other parent time with their child simply b/c they don't like their ex, or they're mad at them, or don't like the new gf, that is wrong. But to deny him b/c he is inconsistent in his visits, and he gets overly angry with you, yells at you, and makes you feel bad or threatened is a perfectly good reason. My only concern is that you make sure you aren't defying a court order that says you have to let him take her. That could do more harm than good. If there is no order, you might want to consider getting one, so that terms are spelled out clearly and you'll have something legal to back you up. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:25 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • i agree with rysana. i know it sucks, i'm in the same spot you are, but as her father he has rights too (unless of course those rights have been terminated in court, then you are completely right).
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 1:26 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I would check up with a family lawyer about what the law says in your state. In my state, if the parents are unmarried, dad has NO rights unless he petitions the court for them. It is about what is best for the baby, not what dad thinks he has a right to. I insisted that my son's dad establish a relationship with him so that my baby felt comfortable with him before he took him off anywhere.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:33 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • i think as her father he has every right to take her, maybe not over night but for the day, but i think if he is all upset it probably wouldnt be a good idea, maybe if you tell him to come over so you can tell him your reasoning for being uncomfortable and tell him if he is calm and tells you what his plans are, and if his girlfriend is going to be there you should meet her if you havent already, because if she is a part of your babies fathers life she will be around your baby. do whats right but lay down some ground rules so everyone can be comfortable and there wont be so much tension and you wont be worried because you 2 are fighting ya know.
    emleejane

    Answer by emleejane at 5:12 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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