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He said please forgive me for the hurt I caused you - should I respond?

I asked my boyfriend of 8 months to commit and he told me he is considering returning to his ex-wife. They have a 9 and 15 year old, divorced 4 years. I have met them and as soon as she found out she took opportunity to sleep over during a bad snow storm picking them up. She badmouths me. He swore nothing happened. I do not believe he has acted on this yet and am giving him time. I am deeply hurt by this as we had discussed a future and he had brought up marriage. We were great together. Now he texts me with, "Hello, how are you" and "Plz forgive me for the hurt I caused you" and I don't know what this means or whether I should ignore him so we both can think, or respond from fear of losing his interest. I will not take him back without a full commitment and/or counseling because this behavior is unhealthy for him, the ex and the kids and I don't need to be a party to it. It's just so hard not to respond.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I know it's hard but be strong and don't respond to him. Seems that he wants to keep you "on the side" just in case it doesn't work out with his ex.

    You deserve better!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • It means that you'd better back off and walk a path in your life that does not include him. He sounds like a nice guy, but he has already backed off from you. My first inclination would be to not respond, but be gracious and reply something such as "It has been a pleasure knowing you. I wish you well. Good bye. "
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:44 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • This is only my opinion.......Dump him.
    What is "full commitment"? He obviously doesn't know how to give that. He was "committed" to you and then thinks he wants to go back with his ex-wife. And now he's asking you to forgive. He can't commit to you and he can't commit to her. HE has to counsel to figure out if he wants to learn about commitment.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 1:45 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • dont worry about him or HIS family... you shouldnt let yourself be dragged into any kind of drama that is un-needed. no man or anyone for that matter is worth fighting for that isnt willing to fight for you so i say to dump him and move on. there are far better people out there with the potential to be great for you.
    mommyjouks

    Answer by mommyjouks at 1:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Respond, just stay detached. Don't get into an emotional thing with him, not at this point. He will always have some connection to his ex, they have 2 kids together. And it may be that she doesn't want him back, she just doesn't want to see him with someone else. If you don't respond, and he looses interest, then he wasn't worth it to begin with. But to just cut him off, well, that's not fair either. This is something that has to be worked out, and that takes time. You can either ignore him and move on, you can stand back and take things slowly, or you can jump right back in. I'd say to take things slowly. But don't give him an ultimatum, I don't think those ever work out.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 1:50 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Yeah...move on...He does not know what he wants....so he said forgive him for the pain he caused you..well that is nice and dandy....but he is confused...
    He has an X wife of 4 years....he should know by now if he wanted her back..
    I would let go if I was you, he is only going to drag you through the mud!
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I wouldn't respond to that. To me it comes across as him wanting to clear his conscience rather than actually wanting to make a real amends with you. I agree with most other posters, you should move on and let him go. When a person apologizes it is very important to allow the offended person have their say, texting just does not cut it with me. Especially since it was such a short glib one line apology. JMO

    Tawanda74

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 2:07 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • being the "other woman" in a sense, he will not be fully committed to you. He is a father and will be connecting with his children that will include interaction with his ex.

    Before you get involved in any other relationships, and to help you think this one through.

    I highly recommend www.marriagebuilders.com for marriage relationships and it applies to ALL relationships be it a friendship, etc.

    Best wishes. I believe you should move on and make your own life with someone who can be 100% committed to you.

    Just my humble opinion.
    blujeanlady62

    Answer by blujeanlady62 at 3:14 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Do not respond. I am sure it is hurting and it will continue to hurt for a while, but dear "nobody has yet died for a love that was not meant to be" plus the answer you got when you asked him to commit is all that you needed to know what to expect from him for the rest of your life. I would give thanks to God (not to him) that he did not lie or kept his "confussion" hidden until you both have had married or conceived kids. Definitely, do not engage in any kind of conversation/argument with him cause you would be risking to become his second dish. Go look at the mirror and realize that what happened got nothing to do with you, and all to do with him, that you are smart, beautiful and sooner or later you will meet someone who really deserves all that you are.
    Braveheart09

    Answer by Braveheart09 at 3:19 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • He's tryna keep ur attn JUST IN CASE things dont work out. He's crap, ur awesome. DONT answer!!
    YoungMunii

    Answer by YoungMunii at 3:50 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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