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How would you handle this?

Things are VERY tight for myself, and my husband. I know this holds true for most of todays families. The other day we go into a fight and he said "I will get another job, so you can keep on sitting on your ass at home". I said "Do you really think that is what I do?". He responded, "yes". It rocked my core. I am a SHAM to two girls, ages 4 years and 2 years. Our 2 year old is a slight special needs child. She attends PT, and OT. This takes places two days a week. Guess who takes her to these sessions? Me. I keep our home very clean. I will not say spotless, b/c it isn't. I do laundry EVERY day. I clean a room everyday. I cook dinner every night. We go out to dinner about once every 9 weeks. I bathe our children every night. Before he left for work he said "Once again, my phone charger is unplugged...!@$@#%!!" I said "Well, we have two kids under 5 ...". Anyway, I feel like I work so hard and get put down to nothing. ADVICE?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I am not trying to be mean, I promise. But everything you described doing, I do as well. Only I work full-time as well. Women forget that being a SAHM is a privilege, not a right. If things are tight financially, it's just as much your responsibility as it is his to make ends meet. You probably have no idea how incredibly stressed he is about money since he is the only financial support for the family. That's a lot to handle. I am not saying you do nothing all day. But I do every last bit of housework by myself. My husband takes care of outside stuff like mowing and taking care of the yard and vehicles. I do all of the inside stuff. If something needs fixing inside, he does it but as far as cleaning and picking up, I do it all. But I also cook dinner every night. We do not go out to eat since our toddler doesn't behave at dinner when we are out. Maybe you should get a job to help.

    Answer by DDry at 2:52 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • let the house get messy and let him see how shit doesnt get done when you REALLY ARE sitting on your ass.

    Answer by Kbmancine at 2:50 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Well I would say fine I will show what I do. You do what you need to do for the kids and nothin else for a week(or however long you need to) that includes everything from his laundry to meals. But then I am a ass like that. My hubby knows better then to mess with me. Good luck!

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 2:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Wow you do a LOT! Personally I would probably handle this by busting him upside his head and give him a reality check but that would not be a good thing to do (that was to make you smile). I would sit him down and try to calmly explain everything that you do for him and your kids. The fact that you have a special needs child alone, to me, should tell him that you do even more with taking to her to these sessions and everything. If having an adult conversation about this doesn't work then go on strike and when he notice the house a mess, laundry build up, and a growling belly THEN i bet he will realize all the work you do!

    Answer by LaKena at 2:53 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • By the way, I do not think games like just not doing anything are going to solve anything. It's just a game in my opinion. Since you chose to be a SAHM, it's your job. How would you feel if he said, "fine, I just won't go to work for a week and see how much money we have then." It's just silly. You don't do housework for him, you do it for everyone/the whole family. It all effects your children - dirty toilets, dirty floors, messy rooms. Playing that kind of game is going to effect them and yourself more than your husband since you are the ones home more often.

    Answer by DDry at 2:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • If you have someone to take care of your children, and not have to pay for daycare...I agree, maybe you should try to get a job...even a part time job..
    It sucks, I know. I was a sahm until I got divorced but
    you have to do what
    you have to do.

    Answer by Dannee at 2:56 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Years ago, my friend was a sahm. And her husband was a bit condescending. They were going through a little counseling. They were told if they would have to HIRE someone to do all that a housewife does, it would be like $30,000.00 a year.

    You could go on strike@!

    I highly recommend this site for marriages and all relationships. Start with the basic principles. Wishing you the best.

    Answer by blujeanlady62 at 2:57 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Keep doing everything you do and continue being sweet and nice. Start emailing him at work telling him how much you appreciate how hard he works and how you know how stressed out he must be supporting you guys during such a difficult economic time. Greet him at the door with love and kisses and smiles. Make a special effort to keep his phone charged so that he knows you care. Move it where the girls cannot unplug it.

    Being a SAHM is not about rights and privileges. It's about sacrificing to do what is best for your kids. Remind him how much you appreciate how hard he works so that you guys can do what is best for your girls. Try and be understanding. It must feel horrible what he said to you and I am sure you are angry. But remember how scary it must be for him to try to support four people in this economy.

    The other suggestions will do nothing but create tension and fighting in your marriage. Just be nice.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 2:58 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Im sorry but DDRY I think being a SAHM IS a right and a priveledge. I think every man should give their woman the choice to be a SAHM and should back up her decision.

    Answer by Kbmancine at 3:00 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • First of all take 3 deep deep deep breaths in a quiet place for a moment.

    I know exactly how you feel I am going through the same thing all I can tell you is continue to do your part and try not to overwhelm yourself when cooking try to make enough for the next evening so you won't have to worry about tomorrow dinner, the girls if they are not too dirty and can skip aday of not batheing them it is ok one day is not going to hurt. And most of all try not to be on your dh back about him guys are guys and think they are only here on this world to work and have sex. Don't worry things will work out so try not to nagg on him to much it will get old for both of you and the kids are the ones that suffer. Just go with the flow. Remember your vows For Better or Worse.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:00 PM on Apr. 6, 2009