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what do you think? I have been married over 20 years and my husband has always been a hot head and has a mean streak...

for about the last 4 years he has not been interested in me sexually, he pretty much treats me like a "roommate" he has really hurt my feelings and I really dont feel married any more... but he wants me to pretty much follow everything in his way of thinking... if I have a opinion he will not see it my way... I have lost my feelings toward him because he is so harsh to me.
My kids are still at home, they are not little any more.... and it looks like my life is falling apart.....is divorce the answer or just keep living with some one who makes me sad... in these economic times its ahard choice to make.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • sounds like divorce IS the answer. You cannot do anything worth while for a family if YOU are not happy.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:41 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I'm not sure what I would do. I do believe the man is the head of the household, but the woman's feelings and thoughts should always be taken in to consideration before making a decision. With him cutting you off sexually, he's not doing his part of the marriage and maybe, whatever has changed to make him not want sex, is why he's become the way he is?
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:43 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • If your emotionally distressed from it, it might be the only way, Have you tried telling him all this? I'm sure the kids will understand, and I'm sure they see all this tension. It's your choice hunny
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 3:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Your kids are getting older and more independant and now you are looking out for you. That is GREAT!!! If you decide to work it out you will need to work on communicating with him. See a therapist reguardless if you leave him or not. Most insurance companies will cover it, just call and ask. If you are not comfortable telling your husband you are seeing a therapist he doesn't need to know. It is all confidential. Maybe get a job or go take classes to help you get a job later.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • He has always been controlling with this mean streak....I don't see how he loves me.... it seems like he wants me for my money and to take care of the kids and the house.


    I guess I'm just a bad person and I deserve this treatment.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Before you decide Divorce I would ask you if you feel you have given 100% to your marriage? What do you want out of your marriage? There is a reason you stayed this long? What was that reason? Does that still apply today?

    Have you asked him what he needs in the marriage from you? Are you open to hearing what that is?

    We all make choices and some are easy to live with and others are very difficult to live with.

    I would never tell you what to do. I would ask you to journal and decide for yourself. There is a great quote I go to when I am looking for advice. "Advie is what we ask for when we know what the answer is and we do not like it!" Here is what I do - I journal on what my situation is. I ask myself all the tough questions. If there is someone else involved I ask them the difficult questions and then I make a desision based on all the information from both sides.

    Good luck on making the right choice for you!
    LegacyKimberley

    Answer by LegacyKimberley at 3:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Listen to your heart. What is it telling you? When you figure out what it's telling you, then listen to it. Baby, your heart will never steer you wrong. I promise.
    Barb87

    Answer by Barb87 at 3:50 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • You are NOT a bad person!!!!!!!!
    Stacey833

    Answer by Stacey833 at 3:50 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • yes I really do need to talk to someone, Ive tried to talk with him and I'm always in the wrong.


    believe it or not I have a job that I enjoy working as a preschool teacher.


     I really appreciate all of you...with your kindness. I posted anon because I'm so embarrased!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Not by any means!!!!
    Barb87

    Answer by Barb87 at 3:53 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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