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Why would taking care of your partner been seen by some as a being a "slave" or "doormat"?

I'm confused by how many comments I see on this site from women who make it sound like if you take care of your hubby (or BF/SO/etc) you are a "slave" or "maid" or "doormat". I don't see why it is a bad thing to want to take care of my hubby. I do cater to him quite a bit, and I take care of him, cook his meals and serve them too him, get his drinks, take care of the house, etc. But I enjoy it. I love him and I want to do whatever I can to make his life happy and as easy as possible. I certainly don't feel like a slave or a doormat at all. He is very good to me, and he's never demanded I do any of these things. It's just something I do because I want to.

It just seems like nowadays this is seen as a sign of weakness or something negative by a lot of people. And to me, that is really sad.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I don't see it that way at all! I love to care for my hubby! I also like it in return though.... :)

    Answer by mominbolt at 4:36 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • hand washes the other in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness to take care of EACH OTHER. But if one is doing all of the work then yeah, I'd consider them weak, a doormat, etc. Some women (and men) need to know their self worth.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 4:36 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • If he's not demanding it, then you're not a doormat. That simple.

    Make sure he knows to do for himself in case something happens to you, though.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:36 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think it is because we are brought up these days to think that women are suppose to be strong and dominating and not doing that undermines the "movement" of some sort. I wait on my beau, but other times I smack him for being an Ahole... but if your man actually deserves being waited on hand and foot all the time kudos to you!

    Answer by MythicMMM at 4:37 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I know how you feel. I love to do the house things, take care of our kids and make dinner. I don't know why people say things like that. I love my husband and want to make him feel like I am greatful for him working and letting me stay home with our kids.I do it not because I think I should but because I love to do these things.

    Answer by angelkatcutie83 at 4:39 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I'm not married but my mom does all the above for her husband and enjoys it. I'm not planning on being single forever and I would like to enjoy doing nice things for someone who appreciates it. I think women naturally want to nurture others they care about. Women that refer to it as slavery are just grouchy and may have pretty crummy spouses to begin with.

    Answer by mizsaxton at 4:39 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • We are living in a time when selfishness reigns supreme. Everything revolves around "me" and what I want, what I need, and what makes me happy. Everyone else is just a means to that end, and yes, that even includes husbands and children. Real love is much, much more about giving than it is about receiving. Love is an action word, and it is demonstrated by the things we do as well as the attitude with which we do them. I have been married 44 years, and I have done everything within my power to make life as easy as possible for my husband. I do it because I love him, and I choose to show him my love by doing for him. I run errands that save him time. I even lay out his clothes for him. I pack his lunch for work. I do these things because I want to do them, and I do not feel subservient in any way. When I hear that terminology, I immediately think "selfish person." We are not slaves; we are great lovers. Kudos to you

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Wow! I could have written anon's message, (but I didn't.) The things she does to take care of her husband, I mean.  I see it as part of my purpose in life to help make him happy.  If it is something I don't care to do, such as washing the cars, which would no doubt make him happy, then I don't do it. But I like to cook, I like to do laundry, I like a clean house, so I do these things in our marriage. I think of ways I can make him happy-  providing meals that he likes,  buying him books or music that he likes,  doing things I know will please him, because I love him, and it seems natural to do what I can to make him happy. 


    Answer by Bmat at 4:47 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Wow, NannyB! Congratulations on your marriage! You beat mine by 6 years! Your attitude is about the same as mine when it comes to taking care of our husbands. I don't lay out my husband's clothes, and I gave up packing him a lunch when he would keep forgetting it or didn't eat it because he went out for lunch instead, but I do consider what would please him when I prepare meals or make purchases for the house or plan vacations. It is a two way street for my husband and I, he does things for me (he vacuums because I have a bad back) I wash the floors, because I like doing it and like them to be clean.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:52 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • i think it's cause the woman still works and does things that her husband can do for himself is why we think they are slaves etc. not when they work and you don't. still watching kids and cleaning house etc is work in itself that requires overtime and more hours then the hubby works so he should pull his weight too. a family is a unity that has to learn to work together.

    Answer by melody77 at 5:05 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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