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How do I help my teen step-daughters with accepting new baby in the house?

My husband and I want to have a baby. We are planning on trying to conceive within the next year. We have full custody of the girls, and I just had "the talk" with them (ages 18, 14 and 12) and they are NOT exactly excited, which I think I expected. I want to make this as pain-free as possible for them and I guess I am just looking for ways to do that. Their main concerns are typical. The youngest says she wants to stay the "baby", she doesn't want someone to take her place. They all are worried about the baby getting "more attention" than them and they don't want that. And the 14 year-old says the baby will get on her nerves and she will "want to go to bed early EVERY night". Now, the thing that gets me is that they have 5 younger brothers and sisters by their biological mother. And they seem to have no problems with them. Any insight will help. Thank you!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • Maybe they are having issues with the other kids from their bio-mom and just arent telling anyone, and your house is safe because they dont have to feel that way there. Make sure they know you arent going to do the same things that she (bio mom) does as far as treat them differently. They will change their minds once they see that you are expecting, and make sure noi to put them in charge of the new baby when you get pregnant and he/she is here.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Honestly, I think i might tell them to get over it, in the nicest way possible. I mean, the 18 year old is practically an adult. The other 2, can be told that NO ONE will come along and replace them. You will both love the girls and the baby equally. Once the idea settles in and the baby is here, I bet they will enjoy having a little one around...but yeah, I'm really thinking (especially the 2 oldest) are old enough to accept it and move on.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 8:24 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Kids will be jealous of eachother it does not matter if they are half brother or sisters. The reason for jealously is that they will lose some attention and less things bought for them $. Make sure you guys can handle quality time and less $. Jealously in general is not healthy (God calls it a sin) and it needs to be dealt with period. Just love them and correct them and the rest will follow. Good luck.

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 8:42 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Keep reassuring them that they will not be replaced, they will not be built in babysitters. There is obviously something going on with all the other kids at moms house. They will get over it when they see the baby. Spend some time with each of the older girls. Have girls night out with them.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:43 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Let them know that their not being replaced. Their younger siblings from their mom probably don't bother them because they don't live there. My two brothers from my mom are 18 and 21 years older than me. We have nothing in common. In fact, we hardly ever talk unless it's at a family function. Other concerns are that people will think that this baby is theirs-mainly the 18 year old. The girls might feel like they'll have to take some sort of care of the baby, which isn't their responsibility. Talk to them. Explain why you want a baby. This would be a good time to explain sex and relationships with them. Teach them how to protect themselves and what can happen to them if their not careful about sex.

    Answer by sarapurser at 2:40 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

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