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How do I comfort my son(15), in his first breakup with a girl?

His dad thinks he was too young to visit her once a week. Dad called girl's dad and made them break up. I feel he was two young. He is heartbroken and very angry with his dad. She was a skater girl, black hair and eye makeup but that doesn't make her a bad person. She seemed nice. Son started smoking since he has dated her and everyone feels it is because of this girl. Not neccessarily true.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (6)
  • Well I was going to say have his dad take him for a guys day so they can talk, but it seems dad is the reason they broke up so I would say let him have a small "party" with a few friends over. Let them eat like pigs, drink soda and play video games or watch gross guy movies. Maybe then he can talk it out with his friends.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:11 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think that the worst thing that you can do is tell your kids who they can like.... it will only back fire I lived it as a teen, and i i felt tlike I had the choice I would have figured it out much quicker, but as a kid you feel like you know everything, and I hope it doesnt back-fire!!
    jennieo622

    Answer by jennieo622 at 11:01 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I just went through my son's first break-up. He was 16 1/2 at the time. It was a miserable time in our home. My husband and I gave him his space. We told him IF he needed to talk about it we were here but we didn't pressure him into talking about it. Eventually he got over it.
    I think it's sad that his dad made him break up with this girl because of what she looks like and how she dresses. I can understand his feelings toward his dad.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 11:01 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • lol you don't let your 15 y/o date? Well I let mine (I also have a 15 y/o son) and I know all of his friends do, whether they tell their parents or don't. I never told my parents I was dating when they didn't "allow" me to. I snuck out. Just keep in mind you don't want him to not be able to talk to you..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • It's unfortunate that his dad interfered that way instead of talking to him and helping him look at all the factors and make his own choices. The whole point of life as a teen is to be able to learn how to make decisions and have a cushion when you fall to make the learning less painful. I did things at 15 my parents wouldn't have chosen for me, but they were my choices. He smoked because he wanted to. Once a week seems very reasonable for this age. What is the point of making them break up? What is he learning from that? What is accomplished? I would be asking not how to help my son heal, but how to help my husband and son come to a solution together and discuss concerns of both.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:07 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • This is exactly what we have chosen not to do with our daughter (13, seeing a 15 year old), as we are afraid of it backfiring. But I set the rules, of which the main one is that regardless of who she is with, what she does and how she acts is HER choice and responsibility (I won't access that she was influenced... we talk about our rules and values). I'd have puninshed your son for smoking, but that is it. I agree, I hope it doesn't backfire on you. Next time, he may see her, smoke and do what ever behind your back and lie...

    Maybe you and dad can review this.. and at least ensure him you won't intervene again, but you do hold him resonsible for obeying your rules. At 15, he needs some freedom.
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 5:26 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

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