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Why do I feel so crappy?

I talk quite a bit to the husband of one of my friends. We flirt a bit here and there but we're both pretty happy in our current relationships and would never take it any further. We're very comfortable around each other and enjoy our conversations. Well, my friend didn't like that we were talking so she confronted me about it & asked that it stop. I didn't hear from him for a few days so I thought maybe she told him to stop talking to me too. Then I hear from him tonight and I tell him I can't talk to him any more because his wife has a problem with it and since I value her friendship, I had to do as she has asked. I'm sure most women in my friend's position would say that they wouldn't want another woman talking to their husband either...I might even be one of them if the tables were turned...so why do I feel so crappy about telling him I can't talk to him any more? I feel like crying...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Apr. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • You need to stop feeling crappy about it...Just ask yourself, does your friend mean more to you than her husband? It should be a no brainer. If you wouldn't like someone having deep conversations with your hubby, then why would she like it??
    pamelajqs

    Answer by pamelajqs at 11:15 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think she was wrong in doing that. He's a grown man. He can make his own decisions and since you have no intentions of stealing her man, she was just wrong. She's insecure and needs to deal with that. This is the kind of crap that makes men sneak around and talk with women they enjoy talking with. She should have left it in the open. She essentially intimated that you might steal her man. I hate that. That makes you look bad when in fact it's her with the problem. She doesn't even trust her friend. That's just sad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:16 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Get over it! You should never be flirting with your friends hubby or anyone else's for that matter. If you are that bored get a hobby or get a job!

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:17 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Because you are losing a friend, the husband. But you do need to go along with your lady friend's wishes. It might harm their marriage if you refused. It does seem sad. Maybe you can talk with him across the table at dinner with him and his wife both- as couples you can get together, but don't sit next to him, no private conversation, no lingering looks, nothing to make your lady friend jealous. He is off-limits, sad as it is.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:18 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • There is a reason that women don't trust their friends, and it is the shit like this!! She feels like CRYING because she can't talk to her FRIENDS husband!!! C'mon now...that is more than a friendship that she wanted with him obviously!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Because you obviously have feelings for this individual. I dont mean sexual but you have gotten to know him as a person, and obviously like him for the person that he is. It is sad to think that you will never be able to talk to a person that you have started a friendship with, any one would be sad.

    It is good that this happened now though. Who knows what could have happened if it continued. I am a firm believer in not putting yourself in situations that might result in infidelity. Not everyone that cheats, sets out to do it. A lot of times they get into situations that they cant control and they make poor decisions resulting in poor actions. Dont feel bad that you cant talk to this individual anymore, be happy that nothing happened that could have adversely affected your other friendships and your marriage. You might even want to talk to your husband about it. Tell him that you wished that you guys could communicate that
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:20 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • well in your marriage. It might get your husband to open up more, and put some energy back into your marriage, and you could end up having a better marriage. Just be positive and look at this experience as something you can take something positive away from.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • You should respect everyone involved and everyone's marriage. How would you feel if the tables were turned. You admit to flirting, and you already know that's not acceptable to most people in relationships. I'm sure he's a great guy, and that's why she wants to make sure nothing interferes with their marriage. But lines have been crossed. Part of being married is understanding what is and what is not appropriate in relationships with the opposite sex, not just your own ideas about that, but the ideas of all people involved. I don't sense that you're out to take this man, but that you are lonely and he provided friendship you crave. Going out on a limb, it seems like he is an outgoing guy, and his wife must feel threatened frequently. But it's worse when it's a close friend. If you meant no harm, understand why it happened anyway. And be friends with your own husband, it's the best relationship you should be having.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:29 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I agree with anonymous up there- if you feel like crying over this dude, I think his girl is right, you've crossed a line somewhere already! You shouldn't be flirting with a friends husband in the first place! I would've told you the same thing if I was her...
    shelleyv

    Answer by shelleyv at 1:24 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

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