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reassurance needed! ?

i need your support. i posted about my SO AND the pics of his women friends explicit videos on my computer. well we finally talked after all of bullshist. he said he doesnt know why he did it but he did. i said then change stop doing this and he said havent i changed enough? i said if you want to be with me the change this too.. and he said i dont know i said okk then were taking a break and you sleep down stairs and do w/e you want and i sleep upstairs and i do what i want.. so yeah..

i did do the right thing? please ladies reasure!!!


Asked by MommaBear1129 at 2:28 AM on Apr. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Congratulations on not accepting unacceptable behavior and demanding that your boundaries be honored. You absolutely did the right thing for yourself. Sounds like your relationship might have to go by the wayside in order for you to continue to do so, but it will be so much more worth it in the end to demand proper respect than accept less.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:44 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • It sounds like he doesn't want to change. You may have done good for now but that doesn't mean things are going to be good later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • i told him he has to two months to figure out if he wants this family or not if he doesnt i'm going back to cali. we just moved to reno, nv 1 month ago.. so yeah. thank you ladies.

    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 2:46 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I think that he might be stuck in a little fanticy world. What he did was wrong. I think that you might be able to get him out of this, but it would be some hard work to get him back to normal. It would be some hard work because right now he is veiwing that other girl as an object that he is getting attention from, the attention that he is not getting from you (I know that it's unfair because you take care of the kids and have alot on your plate but the other girl found time for him). So give him the attention that he is getting from her and just see what happens.

    Answer by JenFunSniffer at 2:51 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • you know what i work 40 hrs plus. i come home clean my house. while he sits on his ass collects unemployment because we just moved to a new state and hasnt received his stupid identification card... so tell me.. why the hell i'm coming home and f inding it a pig sty? i dont feel like being sweet to someone that doesnt appreciate me.. someone who would rather look at saggy titts over laying in bed with me.. somone that wantss to be with me but still talk to these other nasty iches, and tell them all the nice things he should be telling me..


    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 2:58 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I think he's going to be who he is (not saying that what he's doing is right) I have a stronger opinion about him not helping around the house than I do about the porn, but that's me. If he feels he has changed enough, he has set his boundries. If you feel you cannot cope with this, you have set yours. If those boundaries are too far apart, going your separate ways may be the answer.


    Answer by mandaday at 3:11 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • No, you took the easy road. If you want to make things work with you SO then you both need to step up and communicate. That's what realtionships are all about. If you just walk away like 2 upset kids then nothing will be resolved. I have not read all your posts but I am assuming you found some pictures or videos he was trading with a woman on the internet. Did you explain to him how much it hurt you? Did you explain to him how you feel this is not okay since you are in a relationship? You really need to talk. If this the man you truly love why would you just walk away? I could never imagine walking away from my hubby and telling him to do whatever and being ok with it. After 12 years together we know communication is the key to a positive, healthy, long-lasting relationship together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • It seems like you are the one working on the relationship. If only one is working is won't work. You need to be strong. I'd attempt to get him to counselling with you. He seems like he does not care as much, and that can be bad for the relationship. You can't shove your feelings at him, but wait and see if this change works. It seems like only time will tell.


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 6:54 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Sweetie, only you know how much you are willing to put up with in this relationship. But I can tell you, that it is impossible to be in love enough for the both of you. I commend you for not walking away without giving him the opportunity to make amends for this. He does have to make a decision. Just know if he decides he wants to "play the field" so to speak, then it is not your fault. I know that it does take two to end a relationship, but if you are honestly doing your part and communicating with him, being non confrontational (which is hard in this situation) about it, then you are doing what you can. If you gave him 2 months I guess you have to wait it out and see where things go from here. I just pray you guys can use these next few weeks to really talk about issues and concerns in your marriage and not use them to play the "how far can we push each other" game. This is rough and I will be praying for you.


    Answer by Tzutchka at 9:40 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I do think you did the right think mentioning a break but if you want my advice it needs to be a real break, not just sleep in another room. He's obviously not wanting to commit to the relationship. He's an SO. He didn't vow to be faithful to you. Sorry, not being mean but honest. You evidently want the relationship to work but it sounds like he's just using you for stability (guaranteed home life so he won't be alone). Maybe you should tell him to prove himself and allow him to leave then see where that goes. Then try to work toward commitment (marriage if that is your thing) but right now he doesn't sound like he wants anything but you taking care of the home front while he plays and has a great time.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:55 AM on Apr. 7, 2009