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I think my stepdaughter stole from me...

I have not told her father yet. I am missing over $70. She's only 13 and has a history of stealing money,IPOD's etc. from her dad's family and once from her mother. I don't want to accuse her without substancial proof but my gut wont let me rest. She and her sister will be home this w/end and I don't want to ruin our time together.Any suggestions?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on Apr. 7, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • I would really test her... not say anything and 'plant' something you are sure of. I haven't been faced with this, but I find it very hard to come down on 'crimes' without really certain proof - at least being 100% sure. You might want to discuss with father first... plant the money in your purse, ensure it can only be her with access to it, and see if it disappears.

    I'd be afraid I might have misplaced it or something, or perhaps it can be another child...

    As for ruining your time, I know what you mean, but you might have to face up the the reality. Punishment, yes, but perhaps also give her opportunities to earn money to pay you back (assuming she has stolen) and earn her own money.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 5:18 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • That's frustrating. My step-d has stolen a few DVD's I am pretty sure, but don't have proof just like you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Yeah children do it in general so don't think just because she isn't your child that is why she did.It only helps her not feel bad about it because she mostly likely hates you and you just being there ruins her time with her dad which is how she sees it as her time with her dad not time with you. so you should get over that right now you are an outsider and will be maybe forever or she might start to like you when she is in her 20's.Talk to her she took something from you and that isn't ok and tell her dad make she he follows true with a punishment men can be soft on punishment especially when they have been thur a divorce btw I'm not being mean or bashing you I'm just telling the truth as some one who hated her mothers boyfriend mostly because they were total dbags and in hindsight my mother knows that but none the less I hated them off the bat just cause I could and because they thought they could parent me.

    Answer by lalasha at 12:24 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • TEST HER, smart Idea. Just make sure your hb sees you put the money down and just leave it there. I would tell your hb why. And tell him the sooner you know the sooner you can get help for her.
    I big mistake people do when kids steal is to ignore it, wrong thing to do.

    Answer by gammie at 3:08 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • My heart goes out to you. My adopted daughter is the sneakiest person I know. She steals stuff that only has sentimental value (I had to lock up the few pictures I have left, a bell I bought 30 years ago is gone, etc.) Of course, she also stole a carbon from spouse's checkbook (we found out when she tried to pass the carbon in the school cafeteria) and she took the gas money spouse left me one morning (we went straight to school and looked in her backpack and found the $20 he left me).

    My heart goes out to you. No amount of yelling or punishing ever works. I just use locks.

    My spouse hates it, but I now leave my things around my room wherever I want and I always lock the door to my room. And i mean always always always lock the door to my room, I wear the key on my neck.

    It's cold-hearted, but keys work and punishing doesn't.

    My heart goes out to you, good luck
    Left Brainy

    Answer by LeftBrainy at 9:42 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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