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Does our society and culture make you feel worthless being a stay at home mom and not earning money?

My belief is that young children need their mom fulltime for as least the first 3 or 4 years of their life. I have always known that I would be a SAHM if my husband's salary permitted it. I have been a SAHM for 4 years now. I love my boys and love spending time with them, but it seems the world around me pressure me into thinking I am not good enough since I don't earn any money. When I meet new people one of the first questions is always, "What do you do?" and when I reply I stay at home there is usually this awkwardness where the person goes "Oh...ok" and then starts talking to others about their careers. I have even gotten some people say to me, "Why don't you work??" Like I am doing something so weird and taboo. It seems in our culture that money is the most important thing. You are judged by the amount of money and success that you have. Does this get anyone else down?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on Apr. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (59)
  • Hell no! =) I'm so proud of what I do it takes all my time, all my effort, all of my love. And I tell you my child reflects it. My son has never been baby sat, hes never been away from me. Not once. I don't pawn my child to anyone. There is no where I go that my son can not go.I can honestly and proudly say NO ONE can take care of my son like I can. People like you say, have had their comments, but I don't care. It bothered me once, but I realized its my son and I am doing what is best for him. Heck we should get paid for what we do, we are raising the children of the future. Anyways all I'm saying are these are the most precious days, don't worry about others. Just you and your family. They only are little for so long. Enjoy them. =)

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 3:41 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • If that's what you want to do, than do it. But people are going to look down on you, for reasons I won't mention and I'm sure you know. I personally couldn't be a stay at home mom. I like to know I'm helping my family and know I can take of us if my husband ever couldn't.

    Answer by sarapurser at 4:05 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • OP here Lucasmama don't get me wrong, I feel the same way as you. I am proud to raise my sons. I know I am the only one who can do it right (call me self centered). But the world around me doesn't see the same value in staying home and raising children. Moms who work are commended for how wonderful they are and how they must be so strong and indepentent. Don't get me wrong, I agree with that too, but why aren't SAHM moms viewed in the same way? If you say that a working mom is independent than you are indirectly saying that a SAHM is dependent and can't care for herself or her children. I know what I am doing is right, so why does the majority of society make it seem like there is no worth in raising children without paying someone else to do it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • sarapurser: I am curious to know the reasons why people look down on SAHMs. Please everyone, no bashing, I just want to know others' views.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Well, if your on government assistance and a capable member of the family isn't working, they would get looked down on. And because in today's society marriages aren't lasting as long. Being able to work and support yourself has become a necessity.

    Answer by sarapurser at 4:19 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I am a proud SAMH. I have been doing it for 9 years. My kids generally excel way beyond the other's in there age group. They have the added benefit of having me home working with them everyday on different aspects of learning. I make learning there ABC's and counting a fun game at home and we read several times a day. Now if someone wants to comment on me being home I will save my comments for when our children are in school and my child is surpassing the "normal" range for where they should be. My children also have a respect for adults, this is because they go everywhere with me. They are not at the same house from 9-5 everyday, they are at the grocery store, the doctor's office, the secretary of state ~ and at all these places they use there manners and they know what is expected of them. A SAHM is an invaluable tool to raising well rounded, ethical adults. To me they were more important than any pay check.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Sad to say there are moms on here that do just the same.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I dont understand what point your trying to make. sarapurser. Had I needed to provide for my family I definetly could. But thats not the situation. Why would I work, to simply pay someone else to raise my child? It makes no sence to me. And I agree with Anon 312am, children with a sham are more respectful, because they have someone who cares to teach them. Rather than a babysitter just trying to make a buck.

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 7:03 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I sure hope you don't let the pressure of being a SAHM get you down! You are doing the most important job in the world! Raising the next generation with your values & morals. Children will not remember when they're older what kind of new gadget, toy, or material thing that you bought them. The memories will be of your spending time with them, the favorite meals of theirs that you cooked, the places that you went with them. It's ALOT harder to do that when you're working FT. Not that I'm knocking those that 'have to" work. I was thankful I was a SAHM! My 2 boys are grown now & I wouldn't have traded a career for being home w/them for ANYTHING! They grow up WAY too fast! Enjoy every minute of being home w/them. You can go to work after they've moved out, if you feel like it and believe me, you'll have NO regrets for having been home w/them. PROMISE!

    Answer by etexmom at 7:03 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • no matter how difficult it has been. i have always been certain that staying home was the right choice for me. i believe that kids need it. and that it does make a difference. and i realize that our society doesnt seem to favor it. oh well. thanks for a great question.

    Answer by RoseWall at 7:24 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

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