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i feel like a single mother

i feel like a single mother of twins they are 3 months; & when i say this i mean i do everything the bottl feedings the diaper changes the baths. which i love to do these things but i get tired but my husband gets mad when i say that im tired and if i fall asleep for a 10 min nap. he doesn't help and if he does it's only once a week. i dont know if its like this with all mothers????????????

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poncetwins88

Asked by poncetwins88 at 7:49 AM on Apr. 7, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • Oh welcome to being married with kids LOL - :) I think 99% of CM is in the same boat as you. I do everything - I mean EVERYTHING. Hus brings home the bacon I cook it. Ha! Get my drift......
    bristle3kids

    Answer by bristle3kids at 7:52 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • It wasn't that way with us. My husband did the midnight feedings and changings after the first five weeks. Why don't you talk to your husband, tell him you're overwhelmed and you need help. It's hard with one baby, let alone two!
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:56 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • You know I honestly felt like I was the only person alive that dealt with this problem. But once I joined cafemom I realized that many other women are going through the same thing. My hubby was like that when our daughter was an infant, but now that she is 3 hes way more invovled with her. He bathes her and gets her food and he plays with her as soon as he gets home from work! I dont think men really know what to do with a baby!
    ali_1107

    Answer by ali_1107 at 8:23 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • He may be nervous around little babies. how about sitting down with him and NONCONFRONTATIONALLY, asking him why he does not like to participate. PPhrase nicely and in a nice questioning tone, as if you are wondering and NOT condemning. Ask him if he doesn't feel like he is good at it, or scared he will mess up. Then ask him if you can maybe teach him some of the things and he can help with those. Also, make sure you tell him you know how much he loves the little tykes and how you are sure he wants to help. For every bad thing you say, ie every fault you mention in a LOVING way, give him three compliments. For ex: Hunny I notice you don't like to help with the feeding times. As I see how much you love the kids, and how good a dad you are and such a good provdier, is this maybe because you were afraid you might hurt them, or not do it right. Is this true? If so, I can help you learn and you could feed them once or twice a day.
    mama4Christ361

    Answer by mama4Christ361 at 9:01 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I feel the same way and I only have one baby. Ours is about four months old. He's getting better the older she gets, but he still has a life. I don't. I work full time and do everything for her. I'm lucky to get him to hold her while I take a shower. From what I hear from most of my friends, this is normal. Most women, not all, are disappointed in their husband as a father. Stinks to say it, but I think it's a fact. There are a few men who aren't like this, but I didn't marry one of them. I have learned that just talking to them in a calm way helps a little bit. Just try to explain yourself and why you're so tired and grumpy. Keep your head up.
    bvsmom

    Answer by bvsmom at 9:20 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I agree with mama4Christ. My husband was not helpful at all. I was so upset with him and eventually gave up on hoping he might help. If I gave him something like handed him the bottle of breastmilk all ready to go and handed him our son, he was fine. I would say just feed him and I will be back to burp him or take the bottle or whatever else I said to him. He did that wonderfully. But he never just stepped up to help and never did anything I didn't explain fully to him. Like if I had just said go get a bottle and feed Carson, he wouldn't do it. I found out later that he didn't know what he was doing. He was so nervous that he was going to do something wrong and I might get upset or he might hurt our baby. Maybe your husband is just freaked out. Talk to him about it when you aren't upset and he isn't upset.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 9:33 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I think every mother has felt like a single mother at times. Your babies are only 3 months old. Most men don't know the first thing about taking care of a little one. I think you might have better success if you would start by asking him to bring you something you need or help you with their care. As he learns what to do and how to do it, he may gain the confidence to actually attempt to do something for them on his own. Also, be very careful not to criticize him if he does something differently than you do. That's another incentive killer. And be sure to praise him for anything that he attempts and encourage him if he feels awkward. He needs to hear that he will get the hang of it. Whereas taking care of a baby comes naturally to a mom, most dads have to learn the art. So I think your expectations may be a little too high for your husband. At least it's a possibility.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:41 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I just want to add that my son is now 2 and my husband does a lot with him. Anytime he goes to Walmart or Lowes or somewhere without me, he still takes our son with him. They love to run errands together. He feels totally comfortable getting him dressed or feeding him. He has watched him all day many times now while I was at work and he was off. It took him a little bit of time to get comfortable but the more I involved him and told him what a great job he was doing, the more he wanted to do things.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 9:42 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Mine wouldn't touch any of our kids until they could walk and talk. He was afraid of dropping them or breaking them or whatever his excuse was. Do you have friends or family who could come help?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:56 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • my dh just didn't know what to do and was afraid of making me mad. So make sure you praise him for whatever he does, make it as easy as possible for him to help out, and specifically ask him and tell him what and how to do it.
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 11:44 AM on Apr. 7, 2009

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