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How do I handle my husband telling me he loved his ex-girlfriend more than he has ever loved me???

We were talking about life and our relationship and future last night. Somewhere it came up where he said he just doesn't feel completely happy in his life. I went through everything in his life to pinpoint what it is that isn't right. It wasn't his job, kids, self, etc. He said maybe it was our relationship that isn't right. When I asked if he loves me he said, "Yes, but I don't know if it is in the I want to be with you forever way" I was shocked and hurt. I asked if he had been in love before and if those feelings were different than the ones he has for me. He said yes. His feelings for his ex-girlfriend were stronger at the time than his feelings for me have ever been. He said he is completely over her and doesn't want anything to do with her. But knowing that he has had stronger feelings of love for someone else makes him think I am not right for him. I am devastated.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Apr. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • A lot of men find only one true love in life. Sometimes it's not us but they love us in another way. It's not a bad thing. My SO loved his first wife more than life itself. I don't have a problem with it. I'm glad he found true love in his lifetime. I get him now. That's ok with me. He chooses to be with me. I like that. Your's chose to be with you. I think that's a good thing
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:01 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Well, the way that I would handle it would be to change the locks, pack up all his belongs & set them out on the lawn with a detailed map to said ex girlfriend's house with a nice "Good Luck" Hallmark card.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 4:01 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I think he is maybe a little confused. Maybe things with her were easier and different and the love he had for her seemed better because they didn't have the same issues. I can look back at my relationship with my ex fiance. Things were so easy. We were in college and didn't have many responsibilities. It was this easy, young love type of thing. There was a time when I actually thought it was better than what I have with my husband. But I realized that this wasn't the case. It was easier because we didn't have kids and jobs and all of that other "adult" issues than make things harder. I love my husband in a different way, an adult way. Nobody knows what tomorrow brings and forever is a hard game to play because we never know what will happen. I think you guys need to try marriage counseling. Be happy that he was honest with you, maybe you can still fix things. He sounds very confused.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 4:09 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I have heard that men only truly love once in their lives, and they will constantly compare other women to that "one". However, you mentioned that he said, " but I don't know if it is in the I want to be with you forever way"....He is your husband, right? I see all kinds of problems with that statement. I would not want to stay with someone who said that to me....
    Sitar21

    Answer by Sitar21 at 4:10 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • That is something that I would not want to know...even if it's the truth. I don't know how you should handle that one. I'd be hurt and deeply offended. I'd always wonder if he regrets marrying me or not.

    NJMom2Tyler

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 4:16 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Make him an Ex-husband! Tell him your saving you both time rather than sitting and waiting for him to work through his confusion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Tell him to stfu. He is baiting you and feeling sorry for himself for some reason. Get his ass out and make him take care of himself for awhile.
    Darkkitty

    Answer by Darkkitty at 4:49 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • huh? Men only have one true love in their lifetime? Um, I never heard of that before but ok....anywho, it is devastating to hear those words and your husband was wrong in telling you something like that. If this is true then he should've kept that a secret but since he didn't, it's obvious that he has given you the warning signs that your marriage will not be until death do you part...therefore, it's time that either he goes or you go...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 5:16 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

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