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If you're married why are you married? Did you consider just living with him and not marrying?

I see here a lot of so and married partners. We lived together until marriage knowing we'd get married. but hubby knew once engaged I'd only stick around for 6 months, no long engagement cuz I didn't want cold feet. i knew I wanted to marry my husband, I loved him but I knew I wanted marriage for more legal protection than just being his girlfriend. That's nearly thirty years ago. In this day and age is it better financially if partner should pass away or need a spokeperson in the hospital to be married instead of so? Is it better for children of a relationship in today's financially to have married parents than for parents to be so? I didn't marry for my husband's potential earning ability but yet I knew then that the law then had more rights for spouses in terms of finances. For example too, if you live with your partner as a so, can you still have joint credit cards. Prob., lots of women keep maiden names.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Apr. 7, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My DH was in the army when I met him. So just living with him was not an option..The army does not recognize girlfriends, only wives. So we married..If he PCSed I would not have been able to go with him as just a girlfrien.


    Answer by louise2 at 5:05 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I didn't care one way or another to be honest. We lived together 3 years and had a baby before we married. He wanted to be married so I did it for him. I guess the paper meant something to him but to me it doesn't change anything. I didn't take his name so I didn;t see a point in marrying but it was fun. We went to vagas to do it and stayed 4 days

    Answer by heather.darin at 5:01 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • none of that made any sense! alot of people get married because they think is the right thing to do, or that they are inlove and thats just the next step in their growing love and passion for each other.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 5:01 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • i loved the idea of celebrating our love and sharing it with our friends and family, and its the celebration of starting a whole new life together, its a promise that stands for forever, thats too bad you think that way what a terrible way to live your life, does your husband know thats what you think of him and your marriage. i feel really sorry for you that you have to live like that for the past 30 years, you must really have tunnel vision, too bad you never got to feel the real love and joy that marriage has to really offer you other than those selfish ones

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I lived with my husband til my divorce from my ex went through. The first marriage was abusive, and he pulled me out of it, but we'd known each other and been friends many years before this happened. Anyway, we married as soon as was legal after the divorce finalized. Our second anniversary will be in June!

    Regrets? Only that we didn't get together sooner!

    Answer by rhope4 at 5:13 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I married my husband because we are perfect together.My love for him is so great,I could not see us not married.It was a natural progression.

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 5:15 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • Well I have a kid by a previous realationship that I had to get a divorce from even though we were not legally married. It was common law and we had things in both of our names and for that reason & custody reasons we had to get a divorce. However, I have a kid now by my DH but at the time we were just living together not married. We got married when our son was 9 months old. I loved the idea of being married to him and starting a new life together even though we were already one to a lot of people. I think it was great to show our family and friends how much love we have for each other and show each other how we felt. I don't think you have to get married just to have the benefits of wife/husband b/c I know in Texas if you live together for at least 6 months you are common law married. It has the same affects of being legally married.

    Answer by momwifelove at 5:17 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I married my husband because I loved him and I do not think it was the right decision for me to just live with him. My moral beliefs and my emotions both did not agree to that lol! Then he joined the Air Force shortly after we got married, so I would have had to have been married to him anyway to be able to move with him and get all the benefits and everything for our kids we eventually had. And now, 13 years later, marriage was SO the right choice for me! We are still happily married.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 5:20 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I wanted to be a wife, not a girlfriend. Just a preference on our part. We lived together for a few years, then had an 8 month engagement, and then a lovely, intimate, small wedding that was deeply meaningful for us. My daughters godparents aren't married, they've lived together as long as Dh and I have been married - that's what works for them. I think each couple has to decide what is meaningful to them, and embrace that.

    Answer by Collinsky at 5:21 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • 408pm4/07anon ??? hello? my sentence reads ... "I knew I wanted to marry my husband, I loved him but I knew I wanted MARRIAGE for more legal reasons THAN being his girlfriend." Obviously I knew 30 years ago that I felt a committment of marriage with love and respect would mean more to him and also to me emotionally and physically early on and in the long run of years to come, than only words with out legal protection should he have died or been seriously injured. Curious HOW'd you get my husband not knowing my love for him and tunnel vision outta that?? My guess is you're not married thirty years and in fact know of what a long term committment of that length is supposed to be. I'm glad though you're happy too and our husbands are lucky to have us.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2009