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rude stepdaughter add on

We have tried everything.I do not want to force her to come over to see her dad. I really makes the situation even worse with her horrible attitude and throwing things at people. Can not spank or touch her for she has threathen to call cps. We have been to therapy, we have had family talks and get nowhere. The therapist said I should leave my home for three days in order to let her see her dad. There has been no kind of abuse except her throw her things around .Should I attend Easter with her and the rest of the family or should I stay away for the day. I just saw on myspace how she wrote that I am a b word and that she will do anything to get me out of her life. She has been the most unbearable child. My husband and I are out of ideas. help

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metromom70

Asked by metromom70 at 11:22 PM on Apr. 7, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (6)
  • I dont' think you should leave then she would start expecting that and she needs to know that you are there and you are not going anywhere no matter how badly she behaves. I had to tell my 2 teen stepdaughters that last year. I asked them if they were enjoying living with me here with a bad relationship, or would they like a better relationship and life not be so uncomfortable? Luckily those chose to get along. I am wondering why she dislikes you so much? I am not saying that it is your fault, cause for the most part us stepmoms are disliked just for being here.
    Ilovemy5joys

    Answer by Ilovemy5joys at 11:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • I have no step children but my Husband is a stepfather and no matter what kids will test you to your limits , the A and O in winning this is for her father to back you up 100% meaning he has to make sure she will respect you , she dosn't have to like you but she has to respect you ! he is the one that has to enforce this and stand behind you 100% you 2 have to be on one level or she will run all over you , leaving is out of the question here not 1 day not 3 if you do this then she will win and get what she wanted in the first Place "you out of the picture " ....calling  you a name ,any name anywhere is as bad as it get's and he needs to stop this behavior ASAP ...no PC shut down the my space site ect... you the parent  dont forget this .Good luck

    freshwhipped

    Answer by freshwhipped at 11:39 PM on Apr. 7, 2009

  • If that's the case, then absolutely do NOT leave for 3 days so she can visit her dad. You need to come first to him, not her. And right now, she's fighting this and if she wins, her attitude will never end. She'll think and it's the truth, that she can get away with treating you any way she wants, for the rest of your life. Your husband needs to step up and be a father here, but a husband first!
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:11 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Wow, it's like I wrote it myself. My SD is now 17....I made it through some rough years. Mostly I leaned on some very capable shoulders on my favorite website www.secondwivesclub.com - if you happen to pop over there, look for me, my screen name is "disco" over there.

    In the mean time - do NOT leave your home for her visits that gives a 13yr old WAY too much power. Instead, you can give her space within the home. If she wants to watch TV with her dad in the living room, go into your bedroom. It's just a few days a month and it is HER dad - something I had to learn was that marrying my husband really did mean sharing him with his children. It's still hard at times, but the longer I do it, the easier it gets.

    Feel free to chat with me any time. I have been where you are - when my SD was 13, she called me a "fucking whore" in front of my SS, and DD's who were 7, 3 and 2, respectively and tried to hit me with a phone
    texassahm

    Answer by texassahm at 9:29 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • your stepdaughter feel threatened by you. You are taking her father away from her(this is what she thinks) I think you should give your stepdaughter alone time with her father however, Easter is a time the whole family should be together. You should be there for Easter, try not to feed into her drama and tell her what to do. Your husband needs to have a heart to heart with his daughter letting her now that she is the world to him but you are his wife,. he loves you and she needs to show you respect. Your husband needs to be the one to set rules and punishment when it comes to his daughter, Be kind to her. In time your step daughter will realize that your not the evil step monster. When she realizes that she can not get to you she will stop.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 9:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Do not leave your home, what a whacko therapist. Maybe that's best for the child in the short term but it undermines the entire institution of marriage, which is a bad thing for the child to see.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 11:13 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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