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How can I become a single mother ?

Dear All,
I have this situation. I am already 36 and want to have a child. My boyfriend is totally against it without any hope. He is also prone to depression and used antidepressants for many years, so a child from him may not be healthy. I work as a postdoctoral fellow now, so I do not have any savings. My parents also would not be able to help me. I can only rely on myself. Could you suggest me a way I can have a child? May be I should try an artificial conception? But, then I want to make sure I take a good care of the child. Could you suggest me a good "plan" for doing this? I thought I will try to start saving money while working here, find a permanent job in a year, and make myself pregnant artificially just when I start working. I would be glad to hear from you if you think this plan is realistic or I should think of some other way to do this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Apr. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • what an interesting situation... i have no idea what to tell you, sorry!

    Answer by llansky at 12:04 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • My aunt waited for the right time to do it herself, the right time never came for her until now. She had her eggs frozen when she turned 39 and was still not married. She is now 43 and has enough savings to which she can does not have to work for the first two years of the childs life. She is due this Summer.
    I think you should wait until you have at least six months of living expenses saved. Plus don't forget the hospital bill, not all insurance companies cover child birth.

    Answer by Vanessannd at 12:06 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • people are having children well into their fourties nowadays. you don't have to decide tonight. look into your options and weigh your choices so you don't do anything too impulsive

    Answer by r_elizabeth2290 at 12:08 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Get yourself financially stable and make sure you are totally healthy, then, well it may be risky, but a friendly encounter in another town or while on vacation, never to be seen again, may be the way. You would want to know the "sperm donor" (I hate that term but it's appropriate here) a bit, to know he is healthy and mentally stable and no STD's but if you are going to raise your child completely alone that's one way to do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • First, get your self stable. The freeze your eggs idea may be cool too. Then wait until you find someone you actually want to have kids with (even if your not "with" them). If your BF is that unstable, why brings kids into the relationship???
    Then when you are financially/emotionally toghether, get preggers...
    My cuz did it at 44.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I dont think becoming a single parent intentionally is a good idea at all. It's very much healthiest for a child to grow up with a mother and father.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • If you are a fellow that is employed then you should be getting paid since you're working as a doctor just under observation. you should wait until you are done with school and if you want then do artificial insemination

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • So anon...she should never have a baby because she can't find a suitable man?
    I think as long as you are financially capable of having a baby you should, if that is your hearts desire.
    I agree with a pp that maybe a weekend away would be the way to go.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:04 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I'm sure that you really love your boyfriend, but it's pretty obvious that he's not the man for you. If you can't agree on having kids or not then how will he fit into your life once you have a baby? My advice would be to find someone that wants the same things you do in life. Then, when you have a man who wants a baby he'll help you out and support you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I had my last two at 39 and 40. You have some time to get your ducks in a row. Just make sure you know you are on your own financially and make sure you can do it. Doctors visits, shots, dental visits, sports, whatever they are into as well as food and clothes etc. I would not deprive yourself of being a mother due to the lack of a man...maybe by the time you are ready someone else will come along.

    Answer by salexander at 10:46 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

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