Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

i just dont know what to do (plz dont bash)

ok so im single and i plan on staying single till i know what to do

i dont want guys in and out of my DD's life

her dad is in jail for 30 years and so i choose to start looking for a new guy (we broke up when i was around 5 months pregnant)

and since then 3 guys have asked me out i have know all them for over 2 years and like them all the same

i dont know who to choose and i would like some help

the first guy is in the army and we have all ways had "sparks"

the second is more my age but we have dated on and off for a while

the last is my ex boyfriends best friend

im only 17 but im ready for along term relationship

so advice would be nice

im going to school and my DD comes first but it would be nice to have a guy around for my needs and so my DD has a male role modle in her life
and i dont think her dad is a good one so ya

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • Date them, date them all. You know, like people used to when one date didn't equal a lifelong relationship...

    Go out a few times, take your time, don't have sex, and don't bring them home. After a few dates you'll know which one you want to be with. But until you're sure this will be a long term relationship, don't even introduce them to your daughter...
    AnnieMcD

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 1:08 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I always look at it like this until there is a ring on ur finger u can date whome ever u want. If u cant decide who u want to c then see them all three jst dont sleep with all of them. Get to know them a little more personally. Take them around your daughter. Dont bring them to ur house mayb have a play date at the park or chucky cheese. Not only does he need ur aproval he needs ur daughters, too. Good luck ;)
    MandMSMOMMY0607

    Answer by MandMSMOMMY0607 at 1:09 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I respect and admire you for not wanting to have men in and out of her life, and for making her your top priority. Also, for wanting a positive male role model in her life.

    But, here's the thing - you say you like them all equally, which says to me that none of them are "the one" for you. Also, and I don't mean this mean, but obviously whatever your ex did, it must have been pretty serious if he got 30 yrs, which makes me wonder what sort of role model his best friend would be (does his friend do the same sorts of things that sent your ex to jail? I'm NOT saying he does, but it's something you need to consider.)

    As far as the military guy goes, I'm a Vet and a Navy wife, and I've literally been doing this since before you were born. Trust me, while it's a good life, it's a hard life. You will spend a lot of time alone, him gone, and you and your dd thousands of miles from your families and friends

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:12 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I say date each of them. You don't have to do it behind their backs, just say well there are options out there and I'm exploring them when I find which one works best for me I'll let you know and go from there. Depending on your daughters age I would introduce her, if she is toddler age I would just say hey this is Mommy's friend. If she's younger than she won't notice too much anyways. But you want to make sure that he can handle your child before you try to make it something serious. At least, that'd be my perspective
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 1:12 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Wow, sounds like you have a lot on your plate! I think the most important thing as far as your DD is concerned is that she has you as a role model. You are her mommy, the person that is making her a productive member of society. She will gage important life decisions on your examples, with that said, the important role model is you. You have been the mommy and the daddy for her entire life, the men that come in and out of your life are just that. Your men, not hers.

    I think that because you have so much you are dealing with, being a single parent, and going to school, you might want to focus on you. Making yourself happy and successful.

    As far as the men, I think that who ever you choose they shouldn't be around your daughter until it is much more serious, the reason is because if it doesnt work out you dont want your daughter to be emotionally attached to him, only to have him there one and gone the next, and for her
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 1:13 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • not to have any control over that.

    Take your time and focus on you. Date and have fun, but leave the seriousness out of it for a while. Being married to a soldier is gritty and hard, and is that a life you want your daughter to lead. Missing birthdays, anniversaries, and basically life. You give up such a large portion of a regular life when you are with a person in the military. It is not for the faint of heart, and might be something that you want to give more thought to.
    Other than that the person you decide to be with is ultimately up to you since you have to be with that person and live with them. Just always keep your daughter in mind.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 1:16 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • cont

    There are good things about the military life, but you need to make sure you're ready for that.

    As far as the other guy goes, him being your age and having dated him off and on for yrs doesn't make him automatically the right one, either.

    What I would suggest is this - why don't you step back a little and date? You don't have to be exclusive (I'm not saying you have to sleep around either, but you can date and see who and what you want in a guy.) Don't bring them around your dd. THEN, after you meet the right guy and have been seeing him for awhile, THEN, you can bring him around your dd.

    Good luck with it, and take your time, because it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and have good goals in mind, but don't try to rush to try to meet those goals so fast that you end up "settling' and "making do" with some guy, just so you can meet those goals. You and your dd have time :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:17 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Date all of them. Just don't bring them around your little one until you have made a choice. Please, please make sure whom ever you choose is kind to your child.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:17 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • more info (OP)
    ok iv though about it alot
    and it and i really like the guy in the army
    we were talking about dating when he was over seas
    and i did not want to date any other guys i just wanted him
    when he got back he seemed like he just wanted to be friends
    so i was like ok got used to the fact we would only ever be friends
    the more i think about it the more i want him but the other 2
    are real sweet hearts and ya dont know
    i just cant figure things out and im tired of it all ways being on my mind
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • So, how about spending time with them as friends, not dating, and build a relationship with them that way. Just tell them that you care about them very much, and you love them, but you don't know if you are "in love" with them, and you would like to take it slow and spend time as friends to see what comes of it.

    All good, lasting, relationships have friendship at the base of it. If any of these guys are the right one for you, then it will become obvious to you as time goes. Just don't rush it.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:25 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN