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Hard deployment question...

My brother is going to be deploying soon and my husband a week after that will also be deploying. So the question is: I kind of want to visit my husband but at the same time I would like to visit my brother what should I do? I want to be optomistic and say that nothing is going to happen and I will be able to see my brother when he gets home but really what if something were to happen? With my hubby I am not sure if I can ever bear to say goodbye to him when he is going to be leaving so soon. I am at a loss. In the end I can't really go to see my brother just not enough time but it is eating at me, my hubby said that I should look into going. How can my heart be going in two different directions?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Thank you for all your responses. It was really getting to me last night probably because I hadn't seen hubby in a couple of days, he is home tonight and then gone for another couple of days. Getting ready for leaving. He will not get any leave before he goes so it would not be possible for him to come with me to see my brother. Visiting my borther would take about a four day drive there and four days back and that is just not possible. I would really have to fly. I am not going to go although it is probably something that is goign to bother me for awhile and hopefully somethign I will not regret. My hubby has been deployed quite a few times but this is my brothers first and I just feel protective of him just the big sister in me coming out. The last time we saw eachother we did not really get to say goodbye so I will just have to do it over the phone as someone suggested. Thank you again for all the kind words.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Could you and your husband go to see your brother? I mean my husband is Navy and gets leave before a deployment, or maybe your brother could come see you, that way you still get to see them both. I would have to say though if you can't do both I would have to see my husband. And you have to be optimistic, don't think about the what ifs, that will kill YOU. You have to say see you later not goodbye and just hope and pray for the best, we all know something could happen and realize its a possibility but if you think that all the time it will just wear you down way too much. And your heart is going two different ways because you are dealing with the fact that your brother and husband are both about to deploy. My husband is deployed right now, so is my brother, and brother in law, so I really do know what you mean there.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 1:49 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • That must be really difficult, and it is obvious that you love both of these men very much.
    If I were you I would go to my husband. IMO I feel that my life and my family is with him. It doesnt mean that I love my brother any less, I just feel that it is my responsibility as a spouse to be there for my husband.
    I dont know anything about your brother's life but I am sure that he will have mother/wife/girlfriend there to see him off, but you being the most important person in your husband's life wont be there for him. He needs your love and support more than anything, and you must be a very lucky girl to have a husband that is so understanding that he is willing to let you visit your brother instead of him. Sounds like a great guy, and one that deserves 110% of everything you have to offer.
    I really hope that what ever you choose, that you are happy with your decision. Good Luck!

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 1:51 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I'm not sure I'm getting what you're saying... does your brother live a distance from you and you're wanting to visit with him BEFORE he leaves but you also want to spend time at home with your hubby before he leaves too and that's what the problem is?
    If that's it, then if it's within driving distance, I'd go, spend the day with your brother and hopefully take your hubby with you, and then you can concentrate on spending time with your hubby before he leaves with a clear conscience too. If it's too far to go see him in one day, then the phone is very effective too to share with someone that you love them so very much and that you will be awaiting their safe return home and many many thoughts and prayers will be with him and of course that you'll answer any letters he writes.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:07 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • That's tough. I'm having a hard enough time with my hubby deploying in about a week. It's gonna be really hard when the kids realize it. If you can manage it, go see your brother. It may only be for a day or two, but you should go. If your hubby can take leave, he should go with you.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:10 AM on Apr. 8, 2009