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what would you do if you found out your whole marriage is based on lies ?

Imagine being very young (18), getting married to a much older man who lied about everything so you would marry him including saying he could have children and actually it is impossible. Would you divorce him? stay because your only family is halfway around the world? stay because you don't believe in divorce? seriously, what would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • do you love him still? can you forgive such a huge betrayal? are you wanting to work thru it, and try to regain the trust? for me personally, having kids (I wanted them) would have been a deal breaker for me, but thats just me. good luck and I am so sorry...
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 2:42 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • If we didn't have kids I would divorce him. If he lied about everything then he isn't the man you fell in love with and married. I would see it as breach of contract....not a real contract, but one of the heart. JMO.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 2:42 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I married a man that lied to me every time his lips moved. I had a wonderful boy who is now 10 and I have taught him to never lie to a woman. He still continues to lie, therefore we will be in court on the 20th where he wil lie some more and I literally have to ask God for help, when I know he has better things to do.


    simple frown

    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 2:48 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Get an annulment.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:05 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • you can get an annulment after 3 years or more ? Actually, it is not me, it is my ex husbands new wife who I adore and can't stand what he is doing to her. She wants 6 children and they will not consider adopting (of course), she has got to wonder why we adopted our 2 children you would think. I just cannot bring myself to tell her and would she really believe me ? He has kept her away from me as much as possible so I can't talk to her. poor girl. She told him that she would marry him on 3 conditions 1. no drinking (he is an alcoholic)- oh yes, he has her thinking that she is allowing him to drink because he works so hard (ugh) 2. no smoking - he still smokes 3. she desperately wants to be pregnant and have 6 kids ( the man has no sperm). He has also left out the fact how many times he has been married. what a jerk. Hence why we divorced. He is 54 and she is 21.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Poor girl... I'm sorry but she doesn't sound like she's able to see beyond her heart because everything that she's conditioned is a lie... but the kid thing, that would've been the one thing that he definetely outright lied about because the other two, if he did them when they met etc, then she's just crazy... but the kid thing, maybe he told her that you were the one unable to have kids, but even still... .lies and she deserves to know that he outright lied to her. I had a friend who kept blaming his girlfriend for not getting pregnant but he failed to mention to her that he had a a almost not there sperm count and he was pissed when I told her it wasn't her fault. His new wife must've figured it out because they've got some kids now, and I'm wondering if he's aware they're likely not his or not... lot of people do their own inseminattion.. artificial and otherwise.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:28 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I would think that this man must have really wanted me in his life to have lied to get me to marry him. I would want to know his reasons for not having told me the truth. A part of love within marriage is to help one's spouse to overcome the weaknesses in his life. Granted, it is helpful if we know those weaknesses before we commit in marriage, but the truth is that we can never know all of the weaknesses until after we have lived together for a while. I would not let just the fact that he can't father children be the deciding factor. There are many children who need to be adopted into stable two-parent families. So if you two can work through this together, it is possible that your marriage could grow through that process. You will have to forgive him for what he has done, or there will be no chance. You will have to forego the option of using it as leverage against him in the future.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:11 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I didn't get married young, so I really can't relate with that portion of it. I wouldn't have gotten married based on promises. I understand that you thought he was telling you the truth about having a family, and for many women that's a deep desire. I didn't have that same desire. I had known many women that had miscarriages so I wasn't all that convinced that it would be that easy to have a family. I married a man that I loved so much that it wouldn't have mattered to me if we had kids or not. Anything we were able to accomplish together was just a plus.


    In your position, I am not sure what I would do. If you have an overwhelming desire to have kids but still love your husband, maybe check into sperm banks. If you feel your marriage is based on lies, perhaps starting over with someone on the same page as you is a better idea. Good luck, the road ahead will be difficult, but I hope it pays off for you.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:16 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • omg. she was 18 and he was 51? that is crazy! poor girl!
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 9:24 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

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