Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Just Curious

What are your views on marriage and getting married after having a child?

My S/O and I have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter. I don't believe in many of the things associated with marriage (religion, diamonds, government issues licenses) and think getting married after having a child is a little tacky . But I also hate being judged for not being married and get jealous of my friends who engaged because of the social status thing. Marriage to me is a huge catch 22. How do you view marriage?

Answer Question

Asked by dhsredhead at 2:54 AM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I suppose it's how God intended it? He made women to be man's parent and to help him as him to help her. Marriage to me about doing the right thing and living a truthful and happy loving life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • i believe in marriage..although im not married..i truely hope to be one day!! i do think gettin married JUST BECAUSE you have a kid or kids together is wrong tho..unless you actually love the other person..but just cuz you have a kid doesnt mean you need to get married..theres no way in helllllllll i would marry my ex (my daughters dad)

    Answer by alexis_06 at 3:52 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • like you, I dont believe in getting married just because you had a baby together, if you truly love ther person and you're willing to walk through thick and thin ice because everyone knows relationships can be a struggle than go for it, but if youre just getting married for the kid than i totally disagree

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 4:14 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Eh all I know is I love my fiance. Who knows when (or if) we will get married. When people ask, "So when are you getting married?" I always tell them, "We love each other and our child. A piece of paper wont change anything." And really I don't I care. I would like to just because I want us all to have the same last name, but thats not super important. The birth certificate uses maiden names anyways. lol. =)

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 5:30 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Obviously you can have children without being married so personally I wouldn't do it just because we had a baby together.
    To me, marriage is more than that piece of paper. I promised that no matter what, I'd stay and try to work it out. I promised him, and God that I'd give it my all. I'd by lying if I said I hadn't wanted to walk away a few dozen times, but I don't. I sometimes wonder what I was thinking, but I know tht he's the person I'm supposed to be with. He keeps my head and feet on the ground, he's a lot of things to, with and for me but I just really can't imaging being anything if I'm not his wife.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:34 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • The meaning of marriage is personal and can only be defined by the relationship and the people involved. But I'm getting divorced, so I'm probably not the best person to answer this question...

    Answer by suzyberenguer at 8:32 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Marriage is the oldest institution on earth. It precedes government and the church. It is the foundation block of morality and stability of nations. To be a husband or a wife and then a parent are the highest callings afforded to human beings. It is one of the criteria which sets humans apart from the animal kingdom. There is a sanctity and unity in marriage that cannot be explained to those who have not experienced it. What bothers me most about the denigration of marriage is that it is being denigrated by those who have absolutely no knowledge of its glorious beauty. Having now been married for more than 44 years and being able to reflect on the preciousness of that union and to now be able to see the fruits of it, I am deeply disturbed at the fruits of shacking up. It is having a devastating effect on children and it will continue to filter down to generations to come. It breaks my heart to have to see it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:25 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I believe in marriage and I think it's wonderful. If something ever happened and my husband passed away or we divorced, I probably wouldn't do it again. I do not have a problem with being getting married after having a baby. I do have a problem with people getting married JUST because they have a baby together. That isn't a good reason to make that kind of commitment. You are going to be tied to each other because of that child but you don't have to be in a relationship. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and have a son who's 2. We were told I wasn't able to have kids naturally so we weren't expecting to get pregnant while we were still planning the wedding. I didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea about why were were getting married. We had been planning it for over a year. So we just quietly stopped everything, had the baby and then got married privately. But the baby wasn't why we married.

    Answer by DDry at 10:01 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Some people don't see a reason to get married. They see the certificate as just being a peice of paper. But problems can come up as far as life insurance, health insurance, stuff like that. If you two don't see any reason to get married, that's your choice. Some people are just perfectly happy having a 'common law' marriage.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:06 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Buffie95, the funny thing is I think the only reason we even considered getting married ever was because of the life insurance/health insurance issue. I currently don't get health insurance through my job and I am not on my S/O life insurance. However, after doing the math, I would lose more money in taxes then I would gain in either one of those two things because my S/O makes significantly more income then I do, but we would be taxed at the same rate if we were married.

    Answer by dhsredhead at 11:40 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.