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Would you tell another mom if her child is being mean?

My dd has a friend that has been acting mean lately. We see them at church (very small church) and sometimes during the week for various reasons. I don't really encourage my dd to hang out with her because she has a tendency to a little finicky when it comes to who she likes and doesn't. We'll lately my dd is not on that list. The past couple of times we have hung out she's been saying thing (to other children) like let's not play with her and things like that. Now we have talked to my dd and explained that if she's acting that way to just play with someone else and my dd is just fine. I just don't know if I should tell her mom (who I'm friends with) how she's been acting. I'm torn because I would want to know if my dd was doing that but I don't really think it's my place to get involved. What would you do?

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Asked by mssemmy at 7:11 AM on Apr. 8, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (5)
  • That is a very touchy situation! If I were in your shoes, I would ask the mother if she knew if something happened between the two of them...tell her that her child won't play with yours and you were wondering if your dd did something to upset her.......If you approach it that way, than it doesn't look like you are blaming her child for anything but it will make her aware of the situation....

    Answer by my_three_sons at 7:44 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I agree with my three sons approach. It's hard to mention this to the other mom without sounding like you are either blaming her child or just...whining about it, for lack of a better way to put it. If she doesn't have an answer for you, or acts like she doesn't care, then I'd just let it go, and keep encouraging your daughter to play with others. I'd even encourage her that if the little girl approaches her, that she tell her she doesn't want to play with her b/c she's mean. It sounds mean to say that, but I've tried to teach my kids that when someone is mean or a bully, to just completely avoid them unless it's impossible.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:54 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • agree with my 3sons.. i know how u feel though i was gonna speak to a mom about her daughter ( who was good friends with my dd ) about a situation but my dd cried it will just get worse if i do it. so i promised her i wouldnt but if it gets worse then it is now then i will speak to the parents. i have told dd to just stay away and ignore like she isent even around and hopefuly the friend will move on. good luck xo

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:02 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I would definitely let the mom know, I think with situations like this it is best to pull the kids together and talk about it. Also If the mom is a friend of yours, hopefully she has the same morals and will want her child to do the right thing. I recently had a similar situation with a new kid in my 6-yr old's class that was bothering him. My kid is very rough and one to defend himself but I talked to him about not fighting and to ignore the new kid who was probably trying to test his new classmates. The next day my son said he was on to picking on another kid and the teacher busted him.

    Answer by sexymommyrb at 10:17 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I'm going thru similiar issues with my kids in school. One day they are friends and one day they aren't, especially girls. So I have chosen to stay out of it because you may start an issue with the parents and get them offended, then the next week the girls are friends again, but the parents are still upset. So, I am chalking it off to childhood, they must experience it.

    But I do encourage them to make lots of friends and if someone is fickle like that, to stay away and play with the others that are always nice.


    Answer by LadyEb at 12:57 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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