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Should i be concerned about this behavior (i am quite concerned)

My daughter lives w/ her dad 1/2 the time. She has an older brother & sister over there, they are just a few years older. Her older brother (by 2 years) is already showing signs at 9 that he is very intereseted in sex. He has not been molested, when his dad is not with him, his grandmother is taking care of him. But he has figured out how to google things like "sex" "naked woman" & stuff like that. So, he has already been exposed to disgusting porn. Yes, the computer is now blocked. But, he figured out how to talk to people on his warcraft game (which is for 17 +). He met a man on there & they would do sex talk. I know.....absolutely horrible. So, my girl spent the weekend with her dad. I talked to her last night on the phone & she had told me that her brother put a un-capped marker in her underwear. He did not put it "in" her. Being that he already has been exposed to sexual things *continued*

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on Apr. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Being that he has already been exposed, I feel like he has sexual intentions with my daughter. I am quite frightened & would like to ask: WHAT IS THE BEST THING TO DO HERE, EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT OPINIONS. some say kids will be kids, others say to call authorities.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • First question Where is Dad on this? Is he aware and taking care of son and those problems?
    I would keep my daughter home nights until you find out what is going on. I would also talk to older sister to see if he has been inappropiate with her. Get all the info you can while protecting the girls. Get the boy some help also.
    higherboundmom

    Answer by higherboundmom at 8:36 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • What does dad say about it? It sounds like this little boy needs help and sooner rather than later! I would talk to Dad and tell him your concerns, if he denies there is anything wrong then call authorities.

    BTW most children who are molested are violated by a family member, just because he is always with family does not mean he has not been molested.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:40 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you're wrong to be concerned. I can't say that what he is doing is not normal, but to me, it's not. My sons re ony 8 & 5, so we've not yet reached that point, but what you describe sounds like something beyond normal curiousity about sex. The internet stuff, I think, is pretty normal, kids hear things, they learn things, they want to check things out. But the marker and the sex talk with a grown (or nearly grown, at any rate) man doesn't sound right. Have you talked to the father? I'd make that my first step, and see what his reaction is. If he is unaware, perhaps simply bringing it to his attention will stop things and get his son help if he needs it. If he is unsurprised, and acts like it's no big deal, then my next step would be to talk to my child's dr, and see what the dr thinks. If he thinks it's a big problem, then I would talk with a therapist or counseler to find out how to best protect your daughter.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:00 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • The father is aware. When i talk to him about it, he gets defensive. He's worried that i will take him to court & not have her over there, i'm not really the type to do something like that. I'm more the type to help the situation rather than make it more complicated. Her dad & i get alon great. He said he punished him, but i think all it was was yelling & that kind of stuff. He didn't REALLY seem like he wanted to talk about it with me. But, i kind of kept saying how messed up his son is & i think it made him mad. I think he feels like he could have done something to prevent it, & is feeling confused as a parent. I feel like i should take her out of there, but the divorce decree.....i'm scared it might get ugly.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • You better become the "type to do something like that"!! Do you really want her exposed to something like that?

    Take it to court. Get that kid some help, of course, but PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER!!!

    When will you "do something like that"? After she has been penetrated? With a marker or worse?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • What do I do, how do i prove it to the court? I have no pictures, just HER story. How do I go about taking this to court? Please help me, i don't know how to do it. I don't know where to go or who to talk to in the court, i can't afford a laywer. Can they appoint me ome if i can't afford it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • An anonymous call to CP will get you some answers. Don't use your home phone and don't give yourself away.
    MizKizzy

    Answer by MizKizzy at 10:40 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • You can get a consultation with a lawyer for free. Some states also provide free legal aide based on income. DO NOT send your daughter back to that house!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Go to a counselor, even her school counselor and tell them what is going on and that you need help. Her word is good enough. The boy's behavior is consistent with somone who HAS been molested, until there is a full investigation and the son gets therapy I wouldn't let my daughter go over there period.

    A child of 9 shouldn't be so interested in sex that he's experimenting on his kid sister, there is something seriously wrong in that house.

    As Anon said, become that kind of person! Protect your daughter, and if your ex wants to get mad at you for being concerned for the safety of HIS DAUGHTER then f*ck him, he doesn't deserve to spend time with her anyway if he gets mad at you wanting to keep her safe.
    AnnieMcD

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 10:46 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

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