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Are you guys for real? The physical and mental safety of my children comes before anything.

My husband has threatened me to go to court over his family's right to see our kids. I told him I would turn it around and make the court send out a social worker to see the living conditions they are in. His mom has a 2 bdrm home in San Bernarndino, which his sister and her 2 kids, 12 & 18, have moved into and his father, whom she is divorced from, has moved back in because he has no job and nowhere to live. The house is entirely to small for all those people and they want my kids to have to come over and sit still all day because there is no room due to the fact FIL is living, with his close everywhere, in the only other room aside from the bdrms, the kitchen and the bath. To inform you my kids are 7, 5 and 16 months old. Very active and need room to play and run. They have a big German Shepard in the backyard that is not friendly. Where are my kids supposed to play?

 
tiffpeep

Asked by tiffpeep at 12:34 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • i think its great that you r thinking about your kids.
    Go to another group on here and ask this question of like minded ppl.
    NOT some of these ones in this group of moms.
    We are suppose to be building eachother up NOT knocking eachother down, we as woman have enough ppl tring to do that.
    And i think is so horrible that the ones that tal trash are the ones who will not even show who they are.
    dita

    Answer by dita at 1:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • OMG get over it! If your kids aren't in danger, you can't keep them from their paternal family. A social worker doesn't look at things like that. They look for safety concerns and signs of abuse/neglect.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Why cant his family come to your home to see the children? If they are so adamant about seeing them, a drive shouldn't be that difficult. It is not your responsibility to build their relationship with you kids. If they want to have a relationship with your children they need to make the effort.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:37 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Well they don't have to sit there all day. Maybe the ex can take them to a friends house that is bigger? But that's not a reason to keep them away from family. They aren't living there, it's just a visit.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I used to work as a court ordered visitation specialist. I had to sit and watch parents who were court ordered spend time with their kids. He can go to court for visitation and will more than likley get it. You can send someone out if the court orders it to see the living conditions. Then they reporttheir findings back to the judge. I have sat in some nasty apartments with no furniture and some places bugs but they still got to visit. They even had some people homeless and in that case I took the kids to meet with the parent at a park or wherever. Have you tried telling the childrens father about your concerns has he offered to fix any of your concerns? If not let him go to court he will more than likley get visitation and sadly it will be out of your hands if you refuse to let the kids go and it was ordered you can be held in contempt of court.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:41 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • If ppl couldn't see children bc their living arrangements were not stellar then many folks would never get to see them. Who are you to judge them on how they live. Many folks are homeless if you didn't notice. The recession is hard on everyone. As long as there isn't abuse or drugs then you are being selfish. The kids will end up hating you for not allowing them to see and know their family. You just want them to yourself. That's just wrong. That woman managed to raise kids of her own without a problem in how she lives. Oh yeah you know that, You married one of them. You will look foolish to the judge and he's not going to send out some social worker to appease your whims.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I'd let them go visit... I would have to argue on overnight visits only because of the toddler (other kids could have a great time pretend camping out).
    From the number of people it sounds like a lot, but it's really not that many since they're all related and they can share rooms (except for Grandpa which btw, was nice of grandma to let him come back to stay), but it sounds like you are using whatever you can against him. The child welfare people aren't going to care as long as the children aren't in any physical, emotioal or heath risks. If you say there's roaches and rats everywhere and food/drinks/alcohol/drugs everywhere, then yea, there's some problems...
    As hard as divorce is, try to not only allow, but to encourage visits when possible, even if it has to be done in a public place.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Sorry, but if "there are too many people living there" is your only argument - the courts in this state would eat you alive. Is the house filthy and dangerous? Do they not have food for the children or the means to provide food for the children? Are there real hazards? You might be shooting yourself in the foot here. There are such things as Grandparents Rights and if your husband gets a visitation order, you won't be able to keep him from taking the kids over to visit, or even from letting them stay the night. Your best bet is to talk with an atty, who will shoot straight with you . IF you are being unreasonable, you'll find out. But you don't want this to go all the way to court and then have the judge thinking that you're being vindictive and unreasonable- he/she will put you in your place publicly then. Sounds like you need to find out what the law says before you start making threats.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 1:02 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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