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My husband has been getting on my case about not seeming like I want to have sex with him and It's not that I don't want to It's I have alot on my mind lately with out new 1 month old baby she is alot to handle and It seems like everytime we do get to have sex she cries and then I want to stop to go get her cuz I hate to hear her cry. He says I never "make the moves anymore" and I'm not as fun as I used to be It really hurts my feelings when he says these things and Idon't know what to do to make out sex life alot better. I really would rather not find a babysitter for out little one becasue she is still to little and I don't really like his family and don't trust them with her and my mom has alot going on right now and there really is no one else to watch her! What shouLD I DO?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • If your baby is only a month old, it's too early for sex. Once it has been long enough, try sex in the shower, where you cannot hear her if she wakes up and cries that way he can finish.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 1:34 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • As busy as you are, sometimes you just don't feel like it or you are tired. I went through the same thing, because he was at work all day and my daughter had colic for the first 9 weeks and I barely slept. I was just too tired. But you have to find just a little bit of time for just "you guys". And eventually, you will need to get out of the house, so find a sitter. It does not make you a bad mom to get away. It will probably make you even more attentive to get out occasionally because you will have that time to blow off some steam.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Sounds like you husband is really selfish and clueless! He needs to be more understanding about things... Perhaps have him take care of some of the things you do and tell him it will help you not be so tired anymore and more willing for sex.... You'd be suprised what he will do for a piece of A$$! That is if hes a smart, kind and caring man....

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 1:40 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • 1st if your baby is only 1 month old.... then you haven't even hit that threshold of being 'released' to have sex by your doctor.
    2nd if your husband is expressing to you that he feels neglected, that is your problem to address and yes, it is your place to reassure him.
    3rd if it were him making you feel less wanted, you would be hurt..... in a normal situation you wouldn't want to do that to him either - and this is a normal situation - this is your new normal.

    Lastly, this too shall pass. But don't let it become a wedge between you and your husband. Sex is important in a relationship. He may be feeling a little pushed out and some might say it's his problem... but if you had a two year old, you'd be making extra effort to make sure that child didn't feel slighted cuz of the new baby. DH deserves the same.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 1:41 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • What a jack ass? A month and he is complaining? Your body went through a lot, you are exhausted, period. Infants usually wake up every three hours or so t eat and a month old is just barbaric for him to get in your case instead of offering to help you so you can take a nap and recharge batteries a little bit. Show him this answer and tell him to stop being so needy. Yes, you both will bond again and reconnect again but he must put his priorities in place, first he needs to support you emotionally in the hardest time when you are sleep deprived and your new born needs you 24/7 i want to him him being fun with less sleep deprived, I want to see him horney if he was taking care of the baby all night long just to wake up and do it all over again and again. He needs to be more of a father and less of a husband right now.

    Answer by bebita at 1:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • yep, he's pushing for it too soon. You have to heal. He needs to wait. Tell him to masturbate and you'll watch or something but it's too soon for sex.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:04 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Yea i agree way to soon and i know how it is when you hear the baby cry! You just want to run and he wants to finish. I suggest talking to him and try to get him to understand it'll work out soon, but right now you need to take care of you!

    Answer by gavinsmoma at 2:08 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • First of all it's too soon for you to be having sex. Please let your body heal. Second of all he sounds like a completely selfish jerk to me. Why can't his "needs" be put on the backburner until you are ready?? You just had a baby and the baby SHOULD COME FIRST right now. He sounds immature and he needs to grow up. I'm sorry but a grown ass man will be patient and loving with his wife at this time.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 2:11 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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