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What to do when my new husband and adult child ( 19 yrs old) don't get a long ?

they get along to a point, but they both have anger issues .. don't know what to do... in need of help and ideas ...

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krobinson46310

Asked by krobinson46310 at 2:35 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Your husband has to be the adult, and a friend to your son rather than a father. It's very complicated. they may not ever get along. you should talk to your husband, he has to be the one giving to your son, Even if it does not make much of a difference for awhile.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 3:12 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • talk to them separatly and figure out why ur son doesnt like you new hubby. then talk to your hubby and remember to be patient and listen and not defensive. then maybe work it out from there. if they cant get along then only get them all together for big occasion and devote separate time to ur son by yourself so that he knows that u havent forgot about him. my sis in law does not get along with her new stepmom..(i dont klike her either, but shes my step mo in law, so i jsut stay quiet) but its gotten so bad that there have been screaming matches in public. it jsut makes it harder on everyone. hopefully over time it will work itself out as long as u understand both points of view, and respect them! i hope this made sense...good luck!
    RhiannonHunt

    Answer by RhiannonHunt at 3:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • You need to let them work it out with just a little push from you. If you get in the middle, they will think that you are against the other(make sense?) I had this problem with my daughter, and eventually they worked it out themselves.If they have an argument , let them fix it. They are both old enough to work it out on their own, its not your husbands problem to fix, or your son's to fix, its their problem to fix. You can make suggestions about what to do.These are adult males, they know how to do it, they may just be to hardheaded,but, do yourself a favor, don't get in the middle.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 6:07 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • My mom is in that situation..... Your husband needs to be the adult. and let you deal with your son. but your son needs to be respectful. and your son is 19. if he is not respectful... he can move out.
    muzikgrl477

    Answer by muzikgrl477 at 9:25 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Step out of their dynamic. Both of the people involved are adults and their interactions with each other are their own responsibility. I would suggest some reflection on why you feel you have to be the peacemaker, and why you feel their behaviour is under your modus of control. The only thing I would do is tell them both to be quiet and get out of my space if their behaviour was upsetting my sense of calm.
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 7:44 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Make boundaries perfectly clear. At 19, your hubby isn't your childs Dad, but he can be a friend and father figure. Your hubby needs to rise above, be the adult and teach by example. Plan for the two of them to go on a fishing trip together (or whatever), have them lay everything on the table, with a few rules, respect the others viewpoint, allow each other to finish their thought without being interrupted, no violent outbursts. Have them come to an understanding that at times they will learn to agree to disagree and be respectful of one another, and that anger issues can be addressed with proper communication with each other.

    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 1:15 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Why do they have to? They have to behave civilly, but you can't make them like each other. Tell them to get over themselves.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 5:05 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I really wish I could help you. As I am 21 years old and my biological father just got married. He stopped talking to me however completely because of her. So I would really really sit down and talk with the both of them. This is so hard on both your husband and your child. I will never be able to forgive my father due to my step mother. He didn't even attend my wedding last July. We stopped talking 1 week before it. I wish you and your family the best of luck
    ali_1107

    Answer by ali_1107 at 12:46 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

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