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How can i get him to understand????

my husband has 2 twin boys from a previous marriage and when they are brought up and i make the comment that they are not my children he gets upset. Dont get me wrong i love them like they are mine but i dont have the bond with them that a bm would. But he doesnt understand when i say that they arnt mine. The are my step children but i didnt give birth to them, and being a step parent is alot different that being a parent but i dont know how to get him to understand because i didnt have any children when i met him. Anyone else have this problem?????

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tber22

Asked by tber22 at 2:41 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • No but my exhusband says he left his last wife because she was the same way. You cant make him understand you already told him thats the way you feel and he just dosent get it. He hasnt been a step dad before probably and just cant understand.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 2:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Read the book Stepmothers and it will validate what you are feeling and help you explain it to your DH
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 2:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Stop making the comment. If it bothers him why are you even saying it? Does it really mean anything to the relationship? While they are visiting, as their father, he can do any and all disciplining, but there's nothing holding you back from all forms of love and caring.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:48 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • My fiance has twin girls...
    and when I say something like you have said..
    he corrects me and says our children..
    I do agree with him though, I may have not given birth to them but
    his twins are my girls too.
    I can see how your feelings and words could hurt him..
    I now say and mean it...Our kids..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:04 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • why would you even say a thing like that? That's hurtful. I hope the kids didn't hear you say it. If you are the stepmom then everyone knows they are not yours so why emphasize it by saying words that could harm the kid's spirit? I'm with your dh on this one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I agree that is hurtful. It would suck if that continued because the kids will pick up on it. After years of you doing everything you can for them they turn around and say " you are not my mother you are just my dad's new wife", that would hurt would it not? You separating yourself from "his kids" will eventually split you two up.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:29 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Oh and if you loved them like they were "yours", you'd never ever say "they aren't my kids".
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:31 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Why would you say something like that to him if it hurts him? I just don't get it...if you loved your dh, you never would say anything negative about his children if it hurt him...tisk, tisk, tisk....
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:35 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Why keep saying that to him? are you trying to stamp it into his head.keep it up and he might just leave your ass for someone who does love his kids like their own and feel a bond with them.My dh is a step parent to my kids and if he ever said that to me .I would feel terrible.
    MRSBUSYMOM

    Answer by MRSBUSYMOM at 12:27 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

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