• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DOES ANY ONE AS THE STRESS OF TEENAGE GIRLS

IM RAISING A 13 YEAR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER. IM AT MY WHITS END. IM SO SICK OF AURGUEING WITH HER, NOTHING IS HER FAULT. HER GRANDS ,ROOM . ITS ALWAYS SOME ONE ELSE HELP HELP...............GIGI

Answer Question
 
gigi1955

Asked by gigi1955 at 7:05 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • yeah. i have a 16 year old and went thru teens with my other two in their twenties. For a few years now I set socially expceptable behavior and punishment and length of time with each, often. I've learned to not back off. Finally. and mine's a lot better. Try that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:33 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Some of this is typical for this age.....with my girls, I picked my battles....grades were important, their room, not so much. I'm wondering how long you've been raising her, if her friends are influencing her. My 14yr old step daughter does some of that herself and of course, her failing grades are not her fault either.....I could go on but suffice it to say.....I feel your pain. Feel free to message me, maybe we can get together and encourage one another :)
    Grandma2Olivia

    Answer by Grandma2Olivia at 7:35 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Raising your own child can be tiring....doing it a 2nd time around can really wear you out! You get a big hug for taking this on! Sounds like you are frustrated. Take a break. Begin again. Take her to lunch/dinner and talk to her. Tell her that this is wearing you out and it is probably hard for her too....not working for either of you and you want to do things differently. Ask her what she is willing to "give" on and tell her what you are willing to "give" on (only you know what those are). When she gets herself in a situation ask her what SHE is going to do about it (so as to not make it YOUR problem. Here is a link that has resources for  talking to and understanding teens which might be helpful  http://www.cjkidz.com/parentsgrandparentsteachers.html   Hang in there.  She is lucky to have you and will realize it someday.

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 7:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I fought like crazy with my mom. I thought I knew all the answers to everything in life and I was bold enough to tell everyone so. I've been working another option with my teenage stepdaughter lately. I refuse to argue with her at all, and when she makes a really bad choice, I calmly tell her she's making a bad choice and I hope she reconsiders, and I'm always available to talk with her in a mature manner. It's starting to work - at first she got even more mad at me, but now things are pretty calm. I got some of my tips from that James Lehman guy - from the site: www.empoweringparents.com as well as from www.loveandlogic.com - both of them have weekly newsletters with helpful parenting advice. It's not the be all, end all cure - but the little tips they give help me through some difficult situations - including when my 16yo SD started dating a 23yo man!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I have two daughters ages 16 and 18 my daughters feel that the world owes them. I have learned not to feed into their drama. When they do not behave I take the phone away and computer this is the end of their world. when they ask me to take them somewhere or if they can do something my girls know it all depends on how they behaved
    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 9:33 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • yea i now what you are talking about i have a 20year old a16 year old 14 year old and many more.
    i hate tenage years
    sgmommy40

    Answer by sgmommy40 at 10:51 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • As grandma to Oliva said, pick your battles....I guess I was pretty lucky when my daughter was a teenager we didn't have a lot of issues. Anyways, she may be acting out. Wondering "why" she's not living with parents...."why" she has to live with you....Does she know the reasons? If not she's old enough to set down and have a "heart-to-heart" talk.. 13 is a tough age. When she gets to the "arguing" point make her go to her roomm and tell her when she wants to be civil to you she can come out, AND then the two of you can talk. If she has access to a computer tell her, "no computer until her grades get better". Or if she has a t.v. in her room take it out. Hopefully things will ghet better
    GmaPam7257

    Answer by GmaPam7257 at 12:05 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • Lots of good advice already. I'd add that I repeatedly stress to my daughter that everything is her choice. If she choses to hang out with bad kids and join them in doing bad things, it is her choice - her fault. I don't care who's idea it is, she choses to follow. I also explain that I chose to let her have a PC, phone, etc.... but depending on her choices, I may not. And I stress how good one feels when they make good choices.

    Otherwise, chose you battles, but also empathize with her. She may not even know why she has a bad attitude. Teens are pulled in all directions - I think it helps to tell her that, and explain you want what is best for her. I also tell my teen, especially after a disagreement, that it Ok if we disagree. I'd rather talk and for her to defend her point of view, as sometimes it helps me understand her and may change my view (hardly.. but she doesn't have to know that).
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 4:04 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • I feel you....really....with mine it was getting so argumentative my blood pressure went up...not so good...so now that my blood pressure is getting better I can not be so reactive and try to get to the bottom of it....but the only way I can make things a little more mild mannered around here at times with her sassiness is to not let her stay after school and hang out.....as "IT HER WORLD RIGHT NOW"LOL...
    taking04

    Answer by taking04 at 11:26 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • Be gentle but firm. Don't argue with her. Tell her what you want her to do or not do, as the case may be. Listen to her dissents without comment. When she is all done, tell her that you hear what she is saying, but leave the decision as is. Children today have a lot of stuff, most of it stuff that they really don't need. If worst comes to worst, take some of it away. The person with the responsibility has the power. You are responsible for her, so you are the one with the power. Tell her that whenever she is ready to take responsibility for providing for herself, she can then have the power. Until then, it is yours. You have the power to give, and you also have the power to take away. Children at her age scream for loose boundaries when in reality, they crave tighter ones. There's a wonderful book that might help you-THE AGE OF OPPORTUNITY by Paul David Tripp. Great guidelines for parenting teens. Best wishes.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:49 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.