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We are first time parents, and He is clueless, any advise on how I can prepare him for the first week after we bring the baby home?

Alot of my friends have told me the first week is the hardest, and I will need alot of help. He is clueless about babies, and/or helping with alot of things around the house. He works all the time, and I have not really had time to include him in alot of the preparation thus far. I am worried that he will be too stressed out when the baby comes, and I will be too tired to do it all myself, any advise?

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ashliebrooke

Asked by ashliebrooke at 9:14 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (15)
  • most hospital now days have a new baby-Dad class!!!
    chefjen

    Answer by chefjen at 9:16 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Just keep on the same page don't allow one another to get to stressed out. You will not get much sleep either one of you and if you can get someone to come and help you. He could take and daddy boot camp class. Look into that maybe. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEP, your house work will be there when you get settle.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Don't tell him what to do. If the baby is okay, then let him find his way with him/her. He doesn't need to do everything exactly how you do it....this is REALLY intimadating for men (so my dh says!)
    Let him know that he will need to get you things while you are nursing because you can't really move around. Let him know that he is in charge of cooking meals (try to prepare them ahead of birth and freeze them). Tell him to help keep the family at bay :o) GL
    KaceesMom

    Answer by KaceesMom at 9:21 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • I told my husband he was taking 2 weeks off when our daughter was born. I also made him attend most of my OB appointments and all the childbirth and care classes. I didn't get myself pregnant, this was a joint effort. Just because you are carrying the baby doesn't mean you are totally responsible for everything. You might have to repeat a million times, but hopefully it will eventually sink in. Start now and have him take over certain tasks, even if it's taking the trash out on the appropriate days. Then it will be habit and you won't have to stress overly.
    AndrisMom

    Answer by AndrisMom at 9:25 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • My advise is more for you than for him. Alot of mom's especially new mom's, have a hrd time letting dad do his thing his way, and step in to do it themselves, this is where dad will usually just let mom take over and not try anymore. Encourage him to help, and as long as it's not hurtful, let him help his way, even if it;s not like yu do it, he will gain speed and precision as he handles the baby more. Mom's usually get the hang of stuff faster and find easier ways to do it, but dad's way can benifit baby too, and it will help you in the long run if you dont see him struggle and step in, let him figure it out. Try to get a chore list of stuff that absolutely needs to be done every day around the house that you are going to need help with, and let the rest of it go for a while. When a friend comes by and says do you need help, let them, dont let your pride get in the way. And let him know ahead of time what (cont)
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 9:26 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • you expect of him,, but make it a short list as men get overwhelmed easily ; ) Involve him from now on with all the preperations even if it is just ain conversation, let him know what is going on. And ask his opinion. He will feel more involved if you keep him that way and he has a clue, but men dont generally involve themselves, they wait for an inventation. GL
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 9:28 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • He can only take three to four days off including the time at the hospital, so I don't know how much time he will be there to help. He also works 6 days a week 10-12 hour days. This is all great adivise, I will try to do some of those things. I am hoping he will have a better schedule, once she is here, but in the mean timeI need to be prepared for whatever it is that I get. This helps alot though.
    ashliebrooke

    Answer by ashliebrooke at 9:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • If you are planning to breastfeed the best help I got from my husband was that he attended the breastfeeding class with me and was able to remind me with what to do. Also I don't think the hospital is anything to get worried about. The baby is coming out no matter what you do and you won't remember it after 6 months anyway. The first two weeks my husband took off from work. The only thing I remember was him going out to get swaddling blankets and diapers because we did not have enough.

    If you can't get help from hubby then just ask your mom to come and get a lactation consultant on speed dial.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Thanks, I think I will have my mom come down after the first day or two, I was afraid of having her there (although of course she would love to be) the first day or two, because I am afraid it won't allow him to bond with the baby. Some people have told me the first few days home are the most important to bond "just us three" , so I have been torn as to when to have my mother there to help. ??
    ashliebrooke

    Answer by ashliebrooke at 10:16 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Get him a copy of "Be Prepared". It's a fun book for new dads that is filled with silly, yet useful, advice.
    And remember, it does not matter if he does things just as you do them. Unless the diaper truly falls off the baby, do NOT redo it. Do not redo anything. All you will be doing is telling him his help is worthless and he shouldn't bother. Don't correct either. You weren't born knowing how to be a mom, he wasn't born knowing how to be a dad. Let him figure it out just as you are.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:36 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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