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My mil is mad b/c because she wasn't allowed in the L&D room!

She wasn't allowed in the room at all while I was in labor and delivery, but she was allowed to come into the room after an hour so the baby, daddy and I could bond, take family pics, etc. She came in for a few minutes (pissed beyond belief) then left. Cool with me.

The next day, she came to visit and I allowed her to hold my son. Well she took my son and sat CLEAR ACROSS THE ROOM from me and thought she was going to hold him for the whole time she was there! Um, don't think so! I asked my dh to bring the baby back to me so I could feed him. At this point she had been holding him for almost 30 minutes. She got pissed AGAIN.

Now she's telling him and his family that I was being mean and that I'm trying to keep the baby from her!! She's a nutcase. How do I handle this?

Keep in mind that I've been home for over 3 months now, and she won't come over to our house to see the baby.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Your MIL needs to get over herself. The birth wasn't about her - it was about about YOU and YOUR BABY. Sometimes MIL's (like mine) can't stand to NOT have everything be about them ALL the time. If she doesn't want to come over and see the baby, that's her choice - she's the only one who is loosing out. It's not your responsiblity to make sure MIL gets to see the baby - it's HERS. She can complain all she wants to the family and let them know that you are "keeping" her from the baby - when the truth comes out - she'll look like the dumb one. The way I see it - less visits from MIL ='s less stress on your end :) Good Luck.

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 11:35 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • I had a difficult labor, so my health hasn't been so great. I haven't been out of the house ever since the baby was born (except to go to dr appt's). Still, she thinks I should drag my tired and sick ass over to her house so she can see my son...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • MIL's are just crazy. Not much you can do but try your best to be civil with her. Make every attempt possible to let her see your son, even if that means you gotta bring him over there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Be glad that she hasnt been there for 3 months. Seriously, if she is that nuts his family already know it and wont take her seriously, or they are as nuts as her and you dont want anything to do with them. I say from experience if you have a nut case MIL then it is better to let them stay away, I regret all the time forcing my husband to have his mom be part of our lives. There is reasoning beyond your controll and just be a good mom, you know you didnt do anything wrong, dont feel guilty.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • yeah i would have some impolite suggestions to make to her. she needs to get over herself and hell would freeze before i took the baby to her

    Answer by nudge08 at 11:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • i'd ask your DH to talk to her. its hard with in-laws to deal with stuff like this, when its our own parents we can hash it out and they won't hold it against us but in-laws probably will. if that doesn't work, maybe invite her over for coffee (or to meet you somewhere) and just say "hey, i'm sorry you feel the way you do. however, this is MY son and that is the way i felt like birthing him. we aren't always going to agree on how to raise him, thats what makes us different. however we both do love him, so i'd love to be able to talk to you and ask for advice but not have you take offense if i decide to go another way" if that still doesn't work or offend her more. i say screw it, hes your son its your family and you are the mom. you are the one in charge not her. she needs to realize that now or she will always be on your case for the next however many years

    Answer by vabchmommy at 11:54 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • Well let me tell you my story. My MIL knew that I was having my mom and my man in the room and that was it. I didn't want her in the room and she knew that. So just as I start pushing my daughter out, she comes bursting in the room with balloons and flowers. My man said to me "just let her stay" it completely ruined my whole birthing experience. I was pissed beyond belief that he chose her over me, and I still argue about it. It's been 3 years now. But the worst part is she rubs it in my face. She will tell people when she introduces them to my daughter that this is my granddaughter, I was there when she was born, it was amazing. And will just keep going on and on about it!!!! So let her be mad. She will get over her immaturity eventually!

    Answer by pamelajqs at 11:55 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

  • it seems you were kinda mean to her by the comment you stated "like i don't think so!" maybe your vibe of not wanting her there spilled over. i'm not sure that you are not both at fault here for hurting each other feelings. i just wonder who is going to be the bigger person. she just wanted to be there on the birth of her grandchild. i think you should tell her your sorry and that you didn't want to offend her but you just wanted things a certain way. your entitled to feel the way you do but it's not good to stay bitter at someone. so tell her and then let it go and let her deal with her own problems.

    Answer by melody77 at 12:07 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • Be thankful that she wanted to be there for your child's birth and be thankful that she wants to be included in your child's life. Honestly, the opposite is impossible to understand. I am not at all trying to be mean, PLEASE beleive me, but my MIL was not interested in my DD's birth, my horrific, dangerous pregnancy and still to this day has no desire at all to want to attempt a relationship with my daughter. My DH says that it is because our DD is her 14th grandchild and she is just "burnt out". I find this excuse unimaginable. So, it can and could be worse. At least the woman has feelings; maybe childish feelings, but at least she is feeling something. Good luck, dear.

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 12:34 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • If she wants to see the baby, eventually she'll come to see the baby. End of story. May take a while though.
    Old people's feelings get hurt easy, and they can hold a grudge until they're dead. But you can't let that stress you out. You could get her a nice card and give her an official invitation to lunch with you and the baby. Something humorous or sentimental "Congradulations Grandma", or something like that to make her feel like you care about her and her being the "grandma" is important to you. Sounds like that's all she really wants. Don't let her die hating you. Life's too short as it is, you know?

    Answer by Dmommy4 at 1:14 AM on Apr. 9, 2009