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Why is my husband being such an a**?!?!?

I'm really at my end with him. He's grumpy and mean and hurtful. We are having financial troubles, he's possibly going to laid off, he hordes things and complains that the house is a mess, he rags on our son so much that he just looks hurt whenever DH talks to him, good or bad. He get's angry if the baby cries and dosen't stop immediately, she's teething! He's mad at me becuase his suit is dirty. It's been dirty since my sister's wedding in February, why is it my responsibility? I told him that taking care of the bills was becoming too much for me well over a year ago and that I'd like him to take it over. He keeps making up excuses and then blaming me when bills aren't getting paid. He mumbles about me all the time and still isn't taking responsiility for the finances. When I ask him what he wants to do then he just mumbles more or refers to me as Dr Phil. We had been doing counselling and are going to continue.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on Apr. 9, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Dang Anon. @ 9:56, did you read that she has 3 kids?!? I wish people weren't so quick to act like they know everything, and act like every question is a no-brainer. I know better. If your 3 kids are school-aged, there in school for now, but school will be out for summer in June. With your husband acting like this, I'd be just as hesistant to leave my kid/kids with him while I work too. Honestly, I heard so many complaints from my son while my DH stayed home with home while I was working Sundays, I quit that so I could be home and take care of him. I don't care what my DH was telling me, I know my son was basically watching himself or being babysat by the TV while he was home w/ dad. I'd had enough of wondering. And IT'S HARD to do anything for someone that acts like a dick. I'm in the same shoes. I got tired of hearing my DH complain about finances and gave it over to him... situation hasn't changed much...
    AlleyK

    Answer by AlleyK at 10:07 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Wow could he be depressed. My hubby went through the same thing. We seperated for a month because of it and then after I came back he has really tried. But he was depressed because he wasn't working and the money wasn't there and I was the only working so money can play a big role in peoples attitudes. I would hang in there and just try to comfort him and tell him that the finances aren't as important as yall's relationship.
    Mommy2be31660

    Answer by Mommy2be31660 at 9:23 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • He is probably just really stressed and overwhelemed. Not that thats any excuse to treat you badly. He may not know how else to deal with it. If he isnt taking care of the bills and wont youre going to have to step in and do it, it affects your credit as well. If you dont have the money to pay all your bills make sure you are paying the essentials like for a place to live, electric and a car if you have a payment. If he knows he may be laid off is he looking for another job just in case? Is there anything you could do to make extra money? Maybe you could work part time when he gets home so he can see what its like for you there and maybe have some compassion while you are helping out financially till you are out of trouble. This seriously is an issue why couples divorce. Is therapy helping him at all?
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:23 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • When we were going it was helping. We haven't been in a while, things just got too busy. We are going to make some time for it now. He is going to write his engineering ticket soon. I've thought about getting a job, we have 3 kids and it's hard to work around his schedule. I was going to wait till he was officially laid off. That way I can work pt and he can still study and help take care of the kids. My thing is that things are going to get tougher and I need him to with me not against me. I'm just so frustrated at him!!!!Argh!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • If things are tough financially and you think he is going to be laid off, why aren't you working also? If you are a stay at home mom and he works full-time, I can't blame him for being upset with you about not taking care of the suit that needs to be cleaned or paying the bills. You are responsible for taking care of the home and you aren't doing everything. Is his behavior okay? No. But he is incredibly stressed and probably very depressed. Being the sole provider for the family is tough and stressful to begin with but when you add problems to it like working a lot and still not making enough and knowing that your only source of income is going away, it's beyond stressful. Maybe he needs his suit for a job interview. Either way, you need to be more supportive of him and maybe his behavior will change. Get a job, even if it's only part-time and then go full-time if he loses his. You are an adult too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • con't: I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, if I did my life would be easier. But I wanted to let you know I'm in the same footsteps, and I know how you feel! About his suit: I know, my dear, that's just ONE EXAMPLE OF MANY. There is no pleasing your man when he acts like this. It's not just his suit, it's probably every f*cking thing in your house, something's wrong with it and it's somehow your fault right?!? I agree with anon @ 9:56 about the finances though, I know that is stressful to support a family, I've been there. But it's no reason to put someone else down constantly. My only advice: take some time to yourself, relax, try to treat him as well as you can muster... if you need to work things out w/ him, don't worry about it until you to have at least gone on a date to relieve some stress. Whether you can afford it or not, you need a night out together w/out the kids.
    AlleyK

    Answer by AlleyK at 10:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

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