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why do all the sites and books i read about infidelity say nothing about sex after an affair?

Im getting over my husbands affair quickly. not putting it behind me but trying to get through it. he has been wonderful through everything and he knows it will take time for me to heal. However, when he comes home in october. I told him we are not sharing a room until sex comes back into play. I dont want to have sex with him until I feel i am ready but I am clueless as to how long i should wait. Do it too soon and i can scar myself. Do it too late or not at all, it can hurt my marriage. I know i will have to wait until the thought of seeing him naked doesnt repulse me but i need other advice. If you stayed with your husband who cheated, how long did it take you? did u do it too soon? how did you get through that jump back into sex??? PLEASE HELP ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT!!!

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Asked by stefirose22 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • I have no idea how to answer your questions. Personally, I would never be able to move beyond that affair so I couldn't continue the marriage. But I can say that if you wait for a long period of time and he isn't willing to accept that, then things were worth saving. You said that you think it will hurt your marriage if you wait too long. There are men who go years without having sex with someone they love - the wife's strange illness, the girlfriend wanting to wait until marriage, etc. If he really loves you and wants to make this work, he will do what it takes. You don't have to have sex with him until it feels right in your heart.

    Answer by DDry at 2:52 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • Get to know eachother again. Keep your separate areas till you are ready to take the next step. Sounds like you two are committed to making it work. Talk with eachother and let him know you want this to work. You both need to be open with eachother and work on what you need from your partner. I bet he will do whatever it takes to make this work. You will know when the time is right.

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:58 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • I am still with my hubby after we both were unfaithful. If you want, you can pm me and I will be glad to share advice.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 2:59 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • No advice, but kudos to you for making it work. I wouldn't be able to get past it.

    Answer by hdb at 3:09 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • my hubby n i stayed together for a while after he cheated.we talked alot,i asked him to b open with any feelings or thoughts to prevent it from happening again,told him it would definately take time for me to move on from tht..then gave him the best sex ever and smiled cuz i knew i could do it best!

    Answer by mommydabbs at 4:14 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • mommydabbs.. sorry but the best sex comment had me smiling.. because one: thats your opinion and two I have read/heard plenty of things that ANY Sex is okay with a Man.. even if you THINK you are the best it doesn't mean they do or that they won't venture "out"...

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • I had sex immediately after hubby's affair. It's like a dog spraying a bush. I wanted to make my mark and I wanted to show him that I rock in bed which is funny now that I look back on it since most men don't cheat over sex. they cheat over how they are made to feel at home. They want to feel appreciated and welcomed at home. they don't want to fight. It's their home. It's their sanctuary away from the world. When we don't provide that then they go looking for someone who makes them feel good. If they get sex out of it then it's a bonus for them so don't make this about sex. Make it about correcting what was wrong in the marriage. If you keep alienating him from sex he might just go back to cheating and it's bc you won't give it up for him, for the marriage. So what I'm saying is be responsible. Marriage is about both of you. Sex is important in marriage and you are holding it hostage until he jumps through your hoops. wrong

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:23 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • wow im not making him jump through hoops to have sex with me. i just want to make sure we dont ruin things by trying too soon.

    Answer by stefirose22 at 6:16 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

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