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just wanna be reassured i'm not alone on this one

I love my boyfriend to death! we started dating in May '07, found out I was preggo a few months later and this April our son will be 1, and May we will be together for 2 years! he is my best friend. only thing is he isnt very romantic. he still has never said "I love you", and when he wants to have sex, we kiss, but nothing passionate, we have sex and he falls asleep. sometimes we have foreplay...but I mean nothing like in the movies of passionate kissing, caressing, looking into each others eyes and laughing...it's just wham bam thank you ma'am. I know it isnt me, nor is he hiding anything...he just isnt that kind of guy. It does frustrate me that he isn't that kinda guy, but I try not to let it bother me and I have brought it up to his attention and he usually has nothing to say. any one elses SO like this? did you try anything to get that romantic side out? what did you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Apr. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • yup. my boy is like that. I've tried talking to him, he gets defensive, acts passionate a few times and then back to his old ways. you just gotta learn to cope with it i guess!
    javila

    Answer by javila at 9:50 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • um. so let me get this straight. you both already have on kid together and he has never told you he loves you? Red Flag. 2 years is way more than enough time to decide if you love some one or not and be able to say it. are you sure he loves you back?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • he shows love in so many ways. he tried to explain to me the reason he doesnt say it..... I guess his past girlfriends just made the saying old and overplayed....I can kinda understand that. I see where you are coming from thinking something is up, but no...no red flags. he's a wonderful guy! he's a wonderful boyfriend and wonderful father. he always tells me "you're stuck with me"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • lol. well. my SO is like this. and we will have our 4 yrs in May also. Hes always been like this. And to actually hear about you, and you not even think twice about it being you, almost reassures me, honestly. Thanks actually, and sorry I can't help. =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 9:55 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • Well, he may not know how to say it. Did he hear it regularly as a child? Or, he may be frightened to say it because everytime he has, he has lost the one he has said it to. And my hubby is the same way. He's not really a romantic. I just had to look more for his way of being a sweetie. For my guy, it's things like getting me a pop from the fridge without me asking, giving me a massage without me asking, taking our kids outside or somewhere so I can have a couple minutes of peace. Look for the little things and you may find that he has shown you he loves you without actually saying it. And to some guys, him just being with you and your son is him saying he loves you.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:58 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • before the baby, when we actually still had a social life lol, his friends always came up to me and told me how he kept our love life to himself when the other guys talked about chicks, but when he did talk about me it was in such a positive light and the guys would tell me "he loves you so much". so yeah he does show me love in so many ways. and although I like hearing those three words, i know deep within he loves me. his parents are kinda weird. they never call him unless they need their car fixed (he's a mechanic and btw they only live 30 minutes away), nor do they send birthday cards... little things like that which can go a long way to remind him they think of him. but they also show love in their own way. like when we are there for a holiday they treat him like their son, someone they have memories with, they bust his balls...the normal happy family stuff. so yeah I guess thats where he gets it from
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • How old is your boyfriend? Its sad because it sounds like he is too young to be a father,too young to be in a relationship and if he hasn't wanted to marry you, it won't get any better. Maybe counseling? A serious talk about where your relationship is going . It seems that you are too unhappy to just let it slide---do something and get some answers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • he's gonna be 26 in may and i'm 28. he's not too young to be a father and there are many unmarried couples out there who have been together for many years, some with more than one child. you are suggesting counseling because he hasnt said he loves me? there are couples with worse problems than that. and i'm not unhappy at all. all I said was i'm a little hurt he hasnt said it to me yet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • Does he show love in other ways? Just because he doesn't say he loves you doesn't mean he doesn't. He just may not be the type to express it. If you are happy and feel loved then that isn't so bad, is it? Have you talked to him to see how he feels? Ask him outright if he loves you. Does he do things to make you feel loved and wanted? Sometimes that is more important than him saying it. I know it is nice to hear but that doesn't always happen.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:45 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • my SO has no romantic bones in his body. Some men don't. It's just a way of life for them. We still laugh and play but there is no foreplay on his part. I have to have fun or I won't do it. I can forego the romance and foreplay but it's gotta be fun.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:57 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

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