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3rd time I catch my husband secretly talking to women..HELP!!?

So lets start from the beginning.. a couple weeks after we got married I found out he was having sexual chats with a girl from his home town (he is in the military so he was over seas when this happened) I was furious! He tried to hide it by saying it was his "cousin" (amazing huh!? haha) Seoncd time, I was in my hometown and he was in his for vacation (we live in differant states) I end up finding out he's talking to another girl and he says theya re just friends but when I confront her she tells me and I quote "What do you care if I talk to your husband"..Hmmm..tells me a lot! Well I moved back with him recently and AGAIN..he tells me his friend gave the girl his number and last time he spoke with her was in january of 2007 so I confront her and she clarifies that it was only this january 2009 that they had last spoken. But that they are "just good friends". HELP! what do I do? Do I leave or stay? Sorry its so long.

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sxc_mami1

Asked by sxc_mami1 at 4:03 AM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • i had this same problem and mine is also military. of course he also had a porn problem as well. idk if i can be of much help but im still with mine and he has done the same thing way mroe than 3x adn there was pic swapping involved. i am still with mine. i talked to him one night and let him know how bad this was hurting me adn everything. he hasn't done anything like that since. that i know of. there are BIG trust issues between us bc of it. if you can deal with the trust issues u may have and if he is willing to take your feelings into soncideration i'd try and work it out. but thats just me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Tell him to hit it for real once a cheater always a cheater. Your just asking to get hurt by staying someone much better is out there for you............. Trust and believe..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • OH GIRL IF HES DONE IT BEFORE HE MIGHT KEEP DOING IT NO MATTER WHAT BUT IF UGUYS ARE MARRIED TRY TALKIN TO HIM AND MAKE IT CLEAR HE NEEDS TO CHANGE .....HIS BEHAVIOR....IF HE DOESNT I THINK U SHOULD START THINKIN WHAT U ARE GOIN TO DO WITH THE RELATIONSHIP.......THANK GOD MY HUBBY DID CHANGE WHEN I MADE IT CLEAR EITHER HE CHANGED OR IT WAS OVER....HOPE IT ALL TURNS OUT WELL
    Naralie

    Answer by Naralie at 5:23 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Kick him to the curb he is a pig
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Normally I say try everything you can to work it out if you feel that you can forgive but this man knows you have a problem with him talking to these other women, and he obviously doesn't care, and he's not going to stop till he either doesn't have a phone anymore or he's shaken in to reality.
    Is this something you want to put up wiht for the rest of your life?
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:20 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Ok clearly he's lying. How long have you been married? Do you know whether or not he has had sex with these women? There's nothing wrong with talking, but if he's lying about talking to these women that poses a problem. It maybe something innocent and you are doing a good thing of going to the source and that is the woman. If you feel uncomfortable with him talking to other females and you think its something more I would say tell him to stop or your leaving his ass. If he puts those women ahead of you then he doesn't deserve you. I can't tell you to sit down and talk it out because it seems like he's lying so a decent and truthful conversation is out of the question. Don't just up and leave him. Give it some thought and more investigation. I always say Its better said then done. Good luck.
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 7:54 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Do you have children? Is he a good father to them? If you have children, I think you stay and try to work this out unless you have proof that he is doing something other than "making friends" with women. You had your first inclination after having been married two weeks. So, if you went ahead and had children with him, knowing that he had these tendencies, I see that in a different light than if you had been deceived into thinking that he was a one-woman man. It bothers me to see children punished for things over which they have absolutely no control. If you don't have children with him, then I would give him a choice. He could choose me or he could choose his harem, but he could not have it both ways. Without children involved, I would rather live single than to share my husband's affections and attentions with others. With children, I would choose to give them the dad I had chosen for them.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:00 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • You know a father can still be in his children's life without him and the mother being together. I've had that experience and my 8yr old's father is a very good father and we are not together. No one should stay in an unhealthy relationship because of the kids. Of course you are looking out for the kids but trust me if the man is a good father from the start not being with that woman shouldn't effect the relationship he has with his children.
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 8:06 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • You already know the answer to your question..............3 strikes and you're out!!! If you keep accepting this cheating, and that's what it is, along with disrespect, and all that goes with it directed at your and any children you have, this will drag on and on. Move on, move out, and move up with all future relationships.  Being in the military does not relieve him of his marital duties and common sense.  Blame him, not the women because he is married to you.  Sad to say, they don't owe you a thing--he does.  If they have low morals or don't care--they still don't owe you.  HE does.

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 8:53 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I don't mean to be rude but if your allowed it twice he is never going to stop You choice is to stay knowing he is a dog or leave and find some happiness
    CSRodriguez

    Answer by CSRodriguez at 9:26 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

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